Not sure ....

Sumtyms i juz feel soo stupid hoping too much on sumting dat i dont even have the confident will happen ..But the ting i dont understand is wen i hope for it, it never hppns, but wen i never hope for it lots of gud tings hppns ..I just dont undrstnd y ..I dont wana get excited over tings but end up making me disappointed ..Honestly now i dont feel excited animre over wad im hoping soo much for ..Bcz to wad i see onli im the one who's excited and hoping for it too much ..I tink its better to let tings be the way it is now ..No changes for the time being ..And also im not ready for anyting new in my life ..Cz i wan someting new dat will cum in my life to have a sense of seriousness ..I dont wana fool myslf cz it will onli brng embarassment to myslf ..Im not even sure wad i wan ryte now ..Weder i wan my life to be the way it is or i wan sumting new to cum into my life ..Im soo confused ..Bcz like i said if der's sumitng new i wan it to have a sense of seriousness ..Soo wen i see der's no sense of seriousness im not sure weder i'll let it cum ..Not dat im referring to anyting specifically ..Juz feel like posting dis ..Hmmmmm .....

Boiling point!

I juz dont feel the excitement animre ..I feel lyk not going fr the attachment oready ..Most of my attachment is in the aftrnn ..And it ends late, at 9pm ..I juz enjoy morning shift cz though i have to wake up early i get to go home early too ..But if i strt in the aftrnn im gng home late and i juz cnt afford to do work in the aftrnn ..Definitely i will feel soo unmotivated most of the day ..Cz aftrnoons are meant for rest nt work ..Dats wad i tink ..But luckily im attached wif my close frend thruout my attachment in hsptl ..At least der's frend ryte ..But still i dont have the mood oready ..Der is also morning shift fr me but i have to go thru aftrnn shifts frst b4 enjoying my mrng shift ..OMG hw am i suppose to survive dis whole 3 wks of attachment? ..

Tkkn ade sape2 yg akn faham

Terase sedeh mlm nie ..Ntah lar knape sedeh mlm nie ..Kdng2 terase mcm diri nie bodoh sgt ..Mengharapkn sesuatu yang blm tentu jadi and end up terluke sendiri ..Tkd org yg akn faham perasaan nie ..Evn diri sendiri pun tk faham dgn perasaan nie ..Ape yg aku nak cume seseorang untk mengisi kekosongan hati nie since die da dtg dlm idop nie ..Tapi kdng2 hati nie tk yakin die sanggup mengisi kekosongan hati ..Mcm mane tk ragu2 die sendiri tak tunjuk yang die crious dgn aku ..Ntah2 aku jer yang harapkn sgt dari die padehal die tk harapkn ape2 ..Kalo mmg btol mcm tuu aku cume nak die teros terang aje ..Tak payah lar aku mengharap kn sesuatu ..Mcm menharapkn buah yang tk jatoh2 ..Hati nie da terlanjur sayang tapi kalo mcm nie diperlakukan tk usahlar kamu melanjutkannye ..I might be feeling tonyte but dis is wad im feeling ryte ..Terkilan rase hati nie ..Yes i love him tapi die ade perasaan yang same ker dgn aku? ..Harus ker aku ternanti2 jawapan die? ..Sebab hati dan fikiran nie tgh berkecamuk ..Tk tau ape yang patot dibuat ..Cume dpt berdoa ..Sekirenye die lar jodoh ku tuhan engkau pertemukan lar aku dgn die dan satukan kte berdue ..Itu aje yang aku inginkn saat nie ..Untuk selalu mendampingi die ..Bukan sebagai teman tetapi sebagai kekasih ..Kau kabulkan doa ku ini tuhan ..Dan sekirenye aku gagal buat kali ini, ini lar terakhir kalinye untuk aku mencari pendamping hidup ..Biarlah jodoh ku dtg sendiri di mase hadapan ..Dan tuhan kau hantarkan lar hati ini yang penuh dgn cinta untuk die biar die dapat menjawab segale persoalan dlm fikiran ini ..

Im scared ..Im worried ..

Im juz feeling soo scared and worried ryte now ..Juz today , JUST TODAY i realise dat its 3 days away frm my semester results ..Is dis crazy or wad? ..And im tinking weder i'll make it fr the next semester ..I dnt wana repeat semster fr a module ..Its such a waste of tym and energy for me ..I dont expect my results to be excellent but i juz wan it to be enough for me to move on to next semester ..I noe i hvnt been planning my tym properly last semester ..Im nt even ready for most of my exams ..But i did study hard for all my exams and i juz hope dat god will give me a chance to prove dat i can be better in next semester ..Im praying day and nyte dat i will make it ..I hope god will answer my prayer ..Well im being selfish am i? .Juz praying for myslf ..Okae i'll pray for all my best bebs too ..Hopefully dat we wuld all make it to next semester soo dat we can enjoy 1 mre semester tgt before changing class next yr ..Im absolutely positively gonna miz u gurls ..Ur craziness, ur care towards me, the love dat we share wif each oder ..Im gonna miz all those moments wen we frst get to noe each oder and become close till now ..I juz wish dat we will stick tgt thruout dis 3 yrs in np ..But i noe it will nvr cum thru ..Im juz tired of making new frends again and again ..But no matter wad gurls, if u'r reading dis, i juz wana say dat no matter hw many frends i will get to noe in future, u gurls will owaes be the frst in my heart and i shall nvr erase u gurls frm my best frends list ..U gurls are in my top list ..

Hapi!

Hapi, hapi, hapi! ..Hapi sesangat-sangat ..Tk bleh describe perasaan hapi nye tau ..N dnt ask hapi psl ape sbab i juz wana be hapi alone ..

I was shocked!

Hmm soo der was dis guy who was my partner wen i was performing for the Taman Warisan light up festival ..I barely noe him, its lyk onli dat entire 5 whole day of practices and the show itslf ..Soo im nt evn close wif him and our contact is only fb and msn ..And as i noticed he rarely sign into msn soo didnt actuali get to noe him ..We took quite a few photos tgt on the actual show day and dat was the last day dat i evr saw n talk to him ..Until it was yday dat i sign into msn and coincidentally he signed in too ..Well since i noe him i decide to chat wif him ..But i didnt hope for him to reply me but he actuali did ..And we didnt chat for awhile we chat for quite sumtym ..And the most shocking part was he asked for exchange number because he was rushing to go to hospital for his appointment ..I didnt expect him to take dwn my number because i tot he's the kind dat cant be bothered to get to noe me ..Well i was wrng arent i? ..And aftr we end our chat on msn he actuali msg me a few minutes aftr dat ..And again for the second tym i was shocked ..I still didnt expect him to msg me dat fast and we msg for quite a long tym ..Did he come into my life juz to cheer me up cz it happens dat i juz broke off wif my bf? ..I didnt noe y aftr i broke off wif my bf i msg him n tell him bout my feelings ..Mayb i felt dat he's the frend dat i wana talk to at dat moment ..Hmm he said he wana cheer me up by fetching me frm my dance but i was disappointed he didnt fetch me ..And i didnt noe y i felt dat disappointment ..Its nt as if i have anyting special wif him ..And den today he asked me out but until now he still hvnt reply me to confirmed weder he's taking me out or nt ..Im nt evn sure he's crious enough to take me out bcz by his behaviour now he's oready showing me dat he's not crious ..Soo y am i hoping for it ryte ..If he dont wana take me out den its fine wif me ..I can juz sit at home and clean up fr hari raya ..But he will be at lost bcz he didnt take me out ..Haha! ..

Ngeri! Seram!!

Hmm dis morning i saw a video on fb ..OMG its soo scarieeee!! ..Its about a bunch of guys i tink mayb in the middle-east, dey went to dive in dis sea ..Onli saw 2 guys ..The frst guy managed to dive safely but ....The second guy dived and his face hit the rocks by the sea ..OMG the water was full of blood! ..Wad i predicted wasnt true ..His face sliced into half!! ..Mid-saggitally ..And as the nurses and doctor cleaned the blood on his face they try to join bck his face ..I noe it might not sound scarie but believe me its totally scarie ..It tingles up my spine ..I noe as a nurse i might see most infact worse den dis kinda cases but please advice to the public dont do anyting stupid dat might end up into troubles ..Bcz it not onli troubles you but everyone around you ..And please love ur life ..I noe some people might wana spiced up their life by doing crazy stuffs but please tink before doing anyting ..Bcz u will regret in future wen bad luck strikes ..I assure u dat ..

What am i to do??

Im having soo much confusion in me right now ..I juz dont noe wad to do wif my life ..Wad i meant is my relationship ..I noe i still love him but evryting i do now juz isnt ryte in his eyes ..Is it ryte fr me to say dat i wana let him go bcz i dont wana hurt him even more ..Yes i noe i sound lyk a jerk but wad am i suppose to do? ..We've been quarrelling alot lately bcz of some misundrstndngs ..He told our problem to a bunch of frends and one of his frends told him dat im bored of him,im tired of him, i simply cant be bothered wif him ..If i were to let him go wouldnt his frends say dat im a total jerk? ..Treating a guy dat has been soo nice towards me thruout dis relationshp badly ..But isnt it best fr me to decide to let him go rather den i hurt him even more ..I juz feel dat i cant commit to dis relationshp animre ..Bcz simply im bz wif skul and dance and he even say dat i have no tym fr him animre since im wif my dance ..And i've changed since dat ..I noe im hurting him now but if i were to let him go i will hurt him less and in fact wont hurt him animre ryte ..Am i a jerk den? ..I dont noe ..Tings were better before but now it got worse ..I reali need to tink thru dis cz i absolutely dont wana make a wrong decision dat i myself will regret later in future ..But im reali confuse now ..Part of me say i should let him go cz i will hurt him less but another part of me say dont let him go bcz he's a nice guy and it might not be easy to find a guy lyk him in dis world ..I reali3 need to tink hard ..Wreck my brain out ..Oh well we'll juz c wad will happen next ..