Hanya tinggal sejarah

Puas aku fikirkan, masih dalam samaran. Apakah semuanya tanpa penjelasannya. Telah aku korbankan, cuma hanya untukmu seorang. Kesetiaanku tidak kau hargakan, sedihnya. Kini tiba masanya sayang, aku akan mengatur langkah. Biarlah semuanya kita tinggal hanyalah buat sejarah. Masih ku ingat dan terkenang, percintaan yang penuh makna. Terlalu banyak aku memendam rasa. Selamat tinggal kasih, selamat tinggal sayang. Tak ingin sejarah cinta terulang, luka masih terasa duhai sayang.

::Sejarah Mungkin Berulang::

Jauh mana mampu bertahan, sampai bila harus ku telan. Setiap kali bertentangan, tiada ketenangan. Cemburumu merantai hati, melenguhkan semangat diri. Bila aku kenangkan, kemanisan lalu semua itu ku ketepikan. Andai ku turut rasa hati, telah jauh ku bawa diri. Tapi kemaafan ku lahir dari hati mengatasi. Sejarah mungkin berulang walau engkau ku maafkan oh kekasih. Tapi mungkin hanya sementara keinsafan di hatimu. Berpanas hujan berembun tak pernah ku hiraukan. Asal dapat memenuhi segala keinginan hati. Ku bina istana cinta dihiasi lukisan rindu. Indah nampak dari luar tapi penuh dengan kepalsuan. Bila ku tiada terbuktilah betapa aku mulia disisimu.

"It hurts wen i make him a priority but i am juz an option" .......
Its oready hard for me to do dis and yet im forcing myslf to do dis bcz i noe its best for both me n him ..Well actuali its best for me but im nt sure abt him ..Bt its freaking hard for me to do dis decision dat i have made ..Dont ask me y coz i have no answer for dat ..Its all bcz of dis heart dat have created dis feeling and i have to leave evryting now ..Its soo damn hard for me to do dis!!! ..But i noe i have to ..Every single second im tinking bout dis ting and wondering wad im doing now is worth it ..Is he even worth it for me ..Sometyms my answer is yes but sometyms its a definite NO ..I cant even concentrate on studying for my final paper and cant tink clear wen im doing my exam ..Dats wen the confusion comes and its driving me crazy ..It absolutely make me go blank in my mind ..And trust me he's not even of any help to ease dis feeling ..In fact he's making it worse by his doings!! ..Wad am i to do ..Oh god please help me to solve dis ting in me ..Its juz me ..Its all about the confused me ..

Its easy for u to ask me to do tings dat's reali hard for me to do ..Yes i've heard soo much truth about him frm u and it cums to an evaluation dat he's a jerk doing those kinda tings to me ..But no matter wad i dont have the guts to do wad u asked me to do my frend ..I dont noe y im lyk dis but its juz me ..I juz dont have the guts, the heart to be harsh on him, scolding him and making an embarrassment out of myslf ..Yes i am a fool for not dumping him but i need tym to get dis fact in me ..I have my own way on how to settle dis ting myslf ..But at tyms wen i tink about it wad u say is true ..Evryting dat u say is true ..I muz dump him and juz frgt abt him cz i deserve sumone better who appreciates me more ..But the truth is i cant ..I cant juz dump him and frgts about him and i dont noe y ..Ppl juz dont undrstnd wad im going thru ..Ppl can juz give me advices, ways for me to settle dis ting but their advices and ways for me to settle dis ting are juz too harsh and i cant do those harsh tings ..Call me a fool, call me a stupid fool but i aint doing it coz my ways to settle tings are juz way too lenient den dat .. :'((

Saying "I love you" is a hard thing to do. You might be worried if you are really expressing your true feelings or if you are being pressured into it. Everyone has their own time when they think that it is appropriate to say I love you. There is no right or wrong time. However, it is hurtful when an individual makes herself vulnerable and says, I love you, and her words are not returned. Sometimes it may be a simple act of courtesy to return the sentiment. On the other hand you may be setting her up for false expectations about the potential for a relationship.

All alone!!!

Today im all alone at home ..Soo bored ..Well actuali i got lots of tings to do especially studying but sumhw i cant study at all in dis kinda situation ..Juz not in the mood to do anyting but juz laze arnd at home ..But i noe i need to study coz exams is lyk wad a few days away ..Hmm we'll juz see tmrw if the mood will ever arrive ...

The lost tooth

And soo recently i juz lost my tooth ..It was a freaking sad ting dat has ever happened in my life ..I feel the sense of lost wen i have to lose my tooth ..Its lyk im missing 1/4 of the part in my body ..Im soo not used wif having no tooth to chew simply bcz i took out my chewing tooth ..Soo the story goes lyk dis ..I was eating chicken cutlet happily wif my frends and den sddnly i feel, wif my tongue, sumting sharp ..Wen i looked in the mirror 1/4 of my tooth had chipped of ..I was freaking shock and of course sad ..But den a few days later i got over it and ignore the tooth ..But den day aftr day the condition of my tooth got worse ..I experienced a long sharp pain and i cnt squeeze both my upper teeth and my lower teeth tgt on the left side ..Wen i chew i have to onli chew it on my right side and i can onli squeeze my right teeth,nt left ..The pain im suffering can nvr be described in words ..ONLI GOD NOES WAD IM GNG THRU ..And den i decide to go to the dentist as it got worse ..The pain i mean ..Wen i went to the dentist i intend to go for tooth filling ..But den the dentist say its impossible bcz my tooth have decayed and either i have to go for surgery which costs abt $800+ or i plucked it out ..Hell NO im gonna spend $800 for surgery soo i decide to pluck it out ..And soo nw im a girl wif 1 less tooth in her mouth ..Such a sad feeling .. Haizz ...

Mixed feelings

Soo much tings going on in my mind ryte now ..Im having mixed feelings ..I feel soo frustrated at the same time im hapi ..I juz dont y im having dis freaking feeling .I hate it alot!! ..I guess i have dis mixed feelings wen i c the pic and fb profile ..Wen i saw the pic i got frustrated and abit sad but wen i saw sumitng at the fb profile i got abit excited and happi ..Soo i dont noe which feeling i shld go to ..Cz its a mixed feeling and im totally in a confused situation ryte now ..I juz had fun wif my darling seniors and den wen i saw dis shld i waste those enjoyable tym i had juz bcz of sumting lyk dis ..I dont noe ..Sumtyms i juz feel soo unappreciated ..Im trying to tink positive at all time, making myslf tink dat its juz my imagination but i need the person's help to make me sure dat evryting will be oryte and i shall not wory about it at all ..But how am i suppose to relax myslf wen the person is not actuali doing anyting to calm me ..I dont noe wad i shld do now ..I dont wana make myslf stress due to dis but sumtyms it juz haunt me deep inside ..

Cute cute baby

Soo wen i was otw back home from skul juz now, after a long day in skul due to classes and project, a mother and baby sat beside me ..The baby was soo damn cute, wif his chubby cheeks and big eyes, i feel like biting him all over ..At first the baby was behaving, onli laughing and keep on playing ..But wen his mummy took out her iphone and he saw it, he wanted the iphone ..But his mummy juz put it inside her bag back ..Den the musical begins ..He started crying and it was deafening ..Thoug he was 1 seat away from me still he cried loud and all i could do is smile ..I wanted to make a funny faces to him soo dat he will get distracted and stopped crying but i feel soo dumb to be doing at soo i juz smiled ..Den his mummy took out a box of biscuit and fed him ..But he didnt wan the biscuit, he wans the iphone, soo he still cried ..but the biscuit was still inside his mouth he chewed quietly but wen its finished he cried again ..And dis was continuous ..Until he reached his hand out to grab his mummy's iphone in her bag ..Finally he got the iphone but still he was crying ..Hehehe ..He's such a pretender ..Crocodile tears ..I wonder if my baby in future will ever be lyk dat ..I will definitely bite him/her at home until im satisfied ..hahahaha!! ..

Countdown 2010

My eve & new year was celebrated wif my 2nd family ..I was glad dat i was able to celebrate it wif dem & was delighted dat my parents actually allowed me to ovrnyte at the chalet ..Well i guess coz my 2nd family are very trustable in dis kinda tings ..
Soo it was very tiring for me dis 3 days of chalet ..Didnt get enough sleep coz during the countdown i wasnt dat tired and soo i stayed till 4am, managed to find a spot and squeezed in on bed, but still unable to sleep coz of the musicals on bed(snorings) ..Eventually i started to tink of sumone, and managed to doze off, dreaming about him ..But still i onli slept for 2 hrs cz need to wake up early for morning jog wif the rest of the sriwarnians ..
It was the frst tym, aftr my sec life, i actually jogged or exercised ..And obviously my body mechanisms was not ready for dis jog but still i joined the morning jog ..BUT during the jog i walked most of the tym coz i HATE jogs!! ..Hahaa dats wad i actuali do during my runs in sch ..And ouh yar!! I frgt to wear socks and got dis big blister on my feet!! ..Ouch it was painful ..And i was onli halfway to the destination dat i got dis blisters ..Soo i stopped jogging and onli jog wen im way bck from oders, catching up wif dem ..Dat would be the last tym im ever jogging until i was forced to or cant be excused from running!!
Aftr which i rested and den went for cycling wif the cliques ..Dat was the frst tym too i cycled all the way, w/o stopping until i reached the destination ..And i cycled non-stop too back to the chalet ..My ass and cuffs was in great pain wen i got out of the bicycle ..But i have to admit it was a satisfying exercise for me coz i LOVE cycling and it was the frst tym in my life i didnt stop to rest coz of tiredness ..Juz dat i slowed dwn a little bit but sped up wen i cnt see any of the sriwarnians in frnt of me ..Hahaa ..
Aftr dat i had lunch wif the rest and got ready for the ultimate photoshoot!! ..It was a great photoshoot ..Love my outfit, love the scene, love the photographer, love the outcome of the photos and especially LOVED evry single moment of the photoshoot ..It will never be forgotten ..Will owaes remain in my memory ..
It wasnt a regret ..I enjoyed staying over, spending my tym wif dem ..Though i felt a bit awkward hanging out wif dem sumtyms coz im nt close to dem i still try to fit in and enjoy myslf ..And for sure i will be joining in for any activities in future ..
The 2010 countdown moments were a success!! .. *u*