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Confessions of my heart ..

I had a dream last nyte and i feel lyk not waking up dis morning ..A dream dat makes me smile and laugh coz its a dream about him ..I guess last nyte was the nyte dat i realise i have fallen for him ..I had dreams about him a few nytes oready and i guess last nyte's dream made me realise dat i've fallen deeply for him and makes me wana be wif him ..Last nyte's dream was the dream dat made me feel vry close to him bcz he's arm were wrapped around me all the tym ..How secure i feel in dat dream bcz i can feel the warmnest dats he's gvng me and i can feel the sense of secure dat he's gvng me ..How i wish dat it wuld reali cum true and i can live it in reality ..Its such a pity dat till now der's no signs n syptoms of him wanting me ..Sumtyms i juz feel lyk switching lives wif him soo dat i can noe wad his true feeling were for me ..And he can noe wad my true feelings for him were ..I wan him to feel the love dat im willing to give him ..I wan him to feel n undrstnd me in such a way dat he's truely been in my shoes b4 ..But i can only wish for it to hppn ..Cz im not him and i dnt noe wad might be in his mind ryte now ..I dont evn noe weder he wans dis relationshp to move on or not ..He might as well juz end it here ryte now if he does not wan to move on cz i dont wan dis love to develop mre and grow bigger and bigger each day ..And end up disappointed ..Is god trying to tell me dat he came into my lyf juz to leave me? ..I dont get the point of him doing dat ..Or maybe he came into my lyf juz to cheer me up wen i broke off wif my ex and den wen im healed he juz wanders off and nvr came bck ..Is dat wad god is trying to tell me ..Dat he's not for me? ..Dat happiness is not out der for me to grab wif him? ..I dont noe ..I juz dnt get it ..I juz dont undrstnd wif the whole situation yet ..The answer lies in his hands ..If he's willing to move on he noes wad to do ..And i am willing to accept him in any kinda situation i am in or he is in ..

My confessions ..

I cant believe dat he said dat .. How can i make the frst move in dis relationship wen im juz a gurl ..He's the guy soo he shld make the frst move ..If he sees dat im nt msgng him or called him he can actuali msg me frst or cll me frst ..Dats wad a guy shld do ryte ..How can i make the frst move ..Might as well i be the guy and him being the gurl ryte ..Its fine wif me if im the one who's owaes msgng him frst, calling him frst, mayb asking him out ..Hmm mayb asking him out wuld be the sumting i dont dare to do ..But msgng n calling are the tings dat i usually do ..But how can he say dat we have not been contacting each oder lately but the fact is he's bz ..I dont wana disturb him in his bz schedule cz i dont wan him to find me a pest, pestering him and annoying him wen he's got soo much tings to do ..Cz i dont lyk to msg or talk to sumone who finds me irritating ..Eventually he wont be sincere to entertain me ..I can contact him evryday if he wans to but its weder he have the tym to entertain me or nt ..I dont noe wad else i shld do ..Yes i wan dis relationship to go on forward but if im owaes the one making the frst move den he might find me desperate ..Not dat im saying im desperate for dis relationship ..Im not ..But since we are getting to noe each oder its gud dat we can move on to the next level ..Mayb he's lyk dat bcz he's been vry bz wif his wrk and sum tings in his lyf ..Well i undrstnd dat ..Evrybody have their own schedule ..It depends on weder they are too bz or too free ..For him he's too bz but for me im too free ..Too free till i dont noe wad to do wif my lyf ..Dats y i can onli wait for him ..If im too bz i tink i juz cant b bothered wif dis relationship and juz do sumting better wif my life ..But im not lyk dat ..Im willing to wait for him ..Evn if it takes for him to finish his NS cz i tink NS is the ting dats holding him back ..Filling his free tym ..Well dats all dat i manage to do ..To wait ..My frends adviced me to juz move on but im not ready yet to move on ...I still wana go on wif dis ting cz i wana noe wads the ending gonna be .Lyk a fairytale ..Sumhw dis fairytale might have a hapi or sad ending ..Hopefully it is a hapi ending ..Sumhw hru all those sleepless nights tinking of him, dreaming of him, i got the feeling dat dis relationship might juz work btwn us but it needs tym to make it happen ...

::Percayalah::

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Percayalah

Its soo pathetic!!

Birthdays are not meant to be celebrated at times in our lifes ..Maybe because of our hectic schedule until we ourselves forget dat its our bdae or its juz dat nobody around us remembers it and didnt celebrate it wif us ..Dats sad isnt it ..We've went thru evry kinda obstacles in our lifes ..Experiencing the ups and downs ..Bdae is the day wen we get to feel the ultimate happiness because we are supposed to be surrounded by our loved ones and get loads of presents, hugs and kisses on dat day ..But for certain ppl, i shall say me, is very different ..Dis yr my bdae is juz lyk any oder ordinary day ..I still feel sad on my bdae ..I dont feel the happines ..Well its a lie if i say i dont feel any happiness at all ..I do ..On dat very midnight wen the clock strikes 12 my frends msged me and wished me hapi bdae ..Dey even gave me a surprise call and i confessed i cried coz i was too touched by wad she did ..Dat was the frst tym in my lyf sumone called me in the middle of the midnyte juz to wish me hapi bdae ..She even disguised herslf by using sumone else's num and pretending she's a stranger ..Bt too bad i recognised her voice too well soo she didnt get to fool me for too long ..And i oso get dat very special msg from dat sumone special of mine at 130am ..Yes again im touched and tears roll down from my eyes ..I didnt expect to get dat msg from him though i was hoping for it and i cant sleep due to dat ..At first i tot i will be disappointed coz hw wont even be bothered to wake up juz to msg me ..But i was touched by wad he replied me ..He said he woke up juz to wish me ..I almost cant believe my eyes wen i was reading the msg ..But i cant deny it was true .My eyes werent bluffing me ..But still i onli feel the happiness during dat period of tym ..Bcz aftr dat my bdae is juz lyk oder ordinary day ..I spent my entire day at home wif my books coz i gotta study for my upcoming exam ..Yes he said to me dat he intended to bring me out but he had sumting on ..i didnt mind dat ..But still wad i was hoping for before my bdae didnt came true ..Ppl said bdae is wen u wish for sumitng and it might happen ..But for me only one ting dat i hoped for happened on dat day ..But my oder wishes didnt came true ..I dont mean to sound pathetic here but still im juz lyk oder ppl ..Who wants to feel loved and cared for not onli on my bdae but every oder day ..Sumhow it kept me thinking is happiness reali waiting for me in future or oderwise .....

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Di sisi ...

Moving on ....

I guess its tym fr me to move on wif my lyf ..Moving on and heading dis lyf alone w/o the sumone beside me animre ..Bt hw am i suppose to move on if im still having the past in me? ..Well den dat means dat im nt moving on ryte? ..Im trying my best to push evryting away, throwing all my past away frm my lyf bt i simply cant ..Evrytym i see the pictures and thought bck about evryting dat we had went thru tgt, it makes it more harder for me to leave my past ..Its even harder for me to move on w/o the sumone ..Im still hoping for, i dont noe, mayb for me to reach the star i guess ..Is it possible? ..i dnt noe ..Dats wad im feeling ryte now ..I feel dat im waiting for me to reach the star(which is impossible) ..I wana move on bt i feel dat ryte dwn in my heart der is sumting dats stopping me frm moving on ..Cz i have the feeling dat if i moved on i will regret in future bcz im making a great mistake ..I dont wan any regrets in future ..Dats y i dont noe weder i shld move on or shld i still wait ..I nd the answer asap cz i cant b living in dis kinda situation ..Im lyk 2 different person in my lyf ryte nw ..In skul im the hapi me ..I hid my problems frm evryone wif my smile and laughter ..Bt wen im at home den the real me emerged ..Im totally down and i cant evn smile or laugh ..Bcz evrytym at home, im alone in one corner, i strt to tink of evryting dat has happened to me ..I dont noe weder wad i did all dis while is juz a mistake ..Did he juz drop by in my lyf and now he have to go away, far far away frm me?? ..I dont noe ..All i can do now is i guess juz wait for my future to cum and get me instead of me running aftr my future ..

::Hati yang kau sakiti::

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Help me pleaseeee!!

Wer is he? ..Why didnt he reply my msg? ..Why didnt he msg me dis whole wk? ..I feel soo lonely wen my fone's nt ringing wif him msgng me ..I feel dat i've been avoided or neglected ..Am i having wild imaginations again? ..Bcz being wif him is the mst peaceful ting i evr experienced ..Bt wen tings hppn lyk dis im soo nt at ease ..My heart juz keep worrying ..And i keep having wild imaginations ..Guess im having problem wif my ownself ..Im having wild imaginations but the fact is he's nt lyk dat ..He's way better den my imagination ..Wad am i to do to cntrl my imagination? ..A frend said to me its bcz of the insecureness dat i feel deep inside ..But hw to chnge my insecureness to the sense of secureness? ..Hw to make myslf stop having wild imaginations? ..Bcz i believe my wild imaginations will kill me one day ..Sumbody HELP me!!!!

Evryting's bck to nrml lyk hw i wanted it ..

"I dont wan to lose a frend lyk u ..U are the sparkle ..Owaes cheerful and fun to be wif.."
Those are the words used dat touches my heart ..Thnx my frend ..I reali regret fr all dat happened ..
Alhamdullilah evryting is bck to nrml ..Sumhw the talk frm a frend made me realise dat my actions hurt another frend without me realising ..Its selfish of me to juz blame the situation bcz i didnt make the move frst to correct the situation ..But evryting nw is much and way better bcz i made the choice to do sumting so dat the situation doesnt remain as tense as it was dis 2 whole weeks ..Im soo glad dat my bdae month didnt turn out to be a vry sad and hurtful one bcz i lost a frend ..Instead i tink dat dis is the best bdae month dat i get out of my 17yrs of living bcz i tot i lost a frend but the fact is she's owaes der fr me thru my hardships ..I reali regretted fr saying such nasty tings about her ..I am such a jerk ..Anger juz made me say dat ..Simply cant cntrl my hypothalamus ..But nw im controlling my hypothalamus soo as i wont hurt anyone animre in future ..Enough wif dis disastrous ting dat happened to me dis november ..I dont wan disastrous ting to happen animre particularly on november ..Glad dat i can chnge frm disastrous to a joyful november ..Simply the touch frm her yday wen we were taking pic made me ease and warms my heart ..Makes me realise dat i made a terrible mistake and i shld do sumting to correct my mistakes ..Still dis is a learning experience fr me ..To nt follow my hypothalamus but using brain to control the situation ..By den i guess i wont b facing any of these problems ..

Dont find me!!

I wana run away as far as possible frm evryone ..Dont care weder the person is the one who cares bout me, love me, owaes makes me hapi, owaes makes me sad, owaes makes me disappointed or wadevr it is!! ..Cz i juz feel lyk running away!! ..I reali have given up hope for my future in life ..Basically love have ruin my life ..My love for my frends have ruin my love ..My love for my sumone have ruin my life too ..Cz i love evryone arnd me but wad do i get?? ..A false hope dats fr sure! ..Yes i do get bck a love in return but are dey sincere or shall i say is the love reali for me? ..Cz i dnt feel dat the love is for me ..Instead i feel dat evryone is juz pretending to care about me and pretending to love me bcz dey dnt wana feel bad for me ..I dont need all those bullshit care ..Lets juz might as well live in fairytale land ryte is evryone is pretending ..I wan a true and sincere love dat came frm evryone ..And plz for heaven's sake tell me if u no longer care cz i cnt simply stand it wen u r juz lying and pretending ..I can juz walk out of ur life and nvr appear again ..Cz all dis while u r juz building up dis false hope in me and wen i've reached the stars i dont see the shine ..I will juz drop all the way dwn to earth and end up dead ..I dnt wan dat to hppn to me ..Soo if ur heart says dat im not the one fr u or u juz simply dnt care or cnt b bothered wif me cz im juz freaking irritating who owaes bother u during ur free or bz tym and dat u wana b alone den u juz b vry honest to me and like i said i will juz walk out of ur lyf and lead dis lyf alone ..

Should i do sumting dat i see is wrng?

"An innocent luk u have my dear but a wild u deep inside"
I was shocked and disappointed wen i noe the real u ..Having to see ur face i tot u were a vry fine man but the confession abt urslf dat came frm u was a total shock of my life ..I wasnt dat ready to judge u but the truth came out frm ur mouth ..I didnt expect u to b the person dat u are now ..Now i have to luk at u in a different way ..Bcz u r not wad i may expect u to b ..And i cant luk at u and pretend dat i dont noe the real u ..I juz cant afford to do dat ..Luking at u in the eyes will make me remember wad u said abt urslf ..I dont noe how i will react to the situation wen i see u in future ..I might talk to u as per nrml pretending dat i dont noe anyting about u but i can juz turn speechless wen i see u bcz i simply dont noe wad to say to u ..U reali are the person whom i reali dislike ..I juz cant accept the fact dat u r dat kinda person ..I can juz chnge u into a better person if i wanted to but its reali up to u to decide it urslf ..I cnt chnge u if u are not willing to chnge bcz chnging cums frm ur heart not frm my effort wholly ..And not only dat i muz chnge the person whom i love into a different him but for the better ..If he still wana be the person he is, he wont b able to live peacefully ..I noe dat cz dats wad he's encountering ryte now ..He's life is not in peace ryte now ..Evryting seems to b wrng in his life and i need to chnge him ASAP bcz i wan him to b at peace ..Sumone said to me juz nw dat if u love a person u shld accept the way he is but to me if the person i love have the habits or attitudes dat is destroying his own life i need to do sumting abt it ..Bcz i love dat person and i dont wan anyting to hppn to him ..All i wan to see is his happiness ..Ouh god are u sending me all these ppl so dat i can chnge dem into a better person?? ..Am i the ryte person to do it? ..Why now? ..Why do u send me 2 persons at one tym? ..I juz feel dat i dont have dat enough strength to do it ..I need ur help god to gve me strength and patience to do it ..I wont juz give up seeing ppl whom i care and love suffer in their own darkness ..

I simply cant stand her

OMG i cant believe dat i juz teared bcz of dis stupid misundrstndng ..Y am i soo stupid to tear for a person lyk her ..She's not evn worth it ..Sumhw i juz felt soo hurt wen tings hppn lyk dis ..Cmon its meant to b a joke dat day and y take it criously?? ..Its nt my fault lyk duhh ...She's gvng me dat freaking annoying face and she dares to post such post in fb ..Sape yg buat muke sial dulu? ..Nk buat muke sial mcm tuu aku kasi lar balek muke sial aku ..Fiker die mane pnye bgs ..Da ade kwn baru lupe kwn lame ..Pegi mampos lar ..Pegi arh joke dgn kwn baru tuu ..Tkya joke lagi dgn kwn lame ..Konon tadi nak sarcastic arh ble rose tnye "who are u referring to in ur post " ..She dares to say "u noe who im referring to" ..Sial kn perangai die ..Kalo die ketawe kn org make fun of ppl org tk mrh pn ..Tapi kalo die kene sendiri tau pn die nk tersinggung ..Fiker die srng aje ade prasaan ..Org laen sume tkd prasaan? ..Org laen tk rase hurt lar ble die buat mcm tuu? ..Wad the **** ...Geramnye!!!!!! ..Rase mcm nk tarik2 aje rmbt smpi botak ..Bodo pnye pmpn ..I juz cant wait to chnge class nxt yr jadi tkya nk jmpe kwn hypocrite mcm tuu ..Waste my tym aje ..Hw culd i b soo stupid to juz trust her as a gud frend ..Nw i noe who my true frends are ..Who i can reali trust and who i believe will stab me frm the bck ..Hw i wish he was here to hear my evry story ..Hw sad and hw angry and hw hurt i am abt dis freaking incident ......

::Jangan menangis sayang::

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I juz realise she sucks!!

U will only noe how nice the person is or how bad the person is wen u owaes hang out wif the person ..At frst u may tink dat she's nice,caring,the best frend dat a person may have ..But aftr awhile u will strt to realise ur frst impression about her were all wrng ..Dats wad hppnd to me ..Org laen pn ade buat kawan dgn org baru tapi tkdlar smpi prangai berubah smpi dgn members lame pn treat mcm patong ..Sial kn!! ..Pantat ..Kalo kwn baru die joke2 ,drng byk comment psl die wah bukan maen die layankn drng smpi bleh ketawe2 ..Kalo dgn kawan lame gurau skt amek hati smpi bleh jadi gdh ..Sial kn prangai die ..Dpt kawan baru lupe kawan lame ..Kalo g2 lepak arh dgn kawan baru ..Asal maseh terhege2 dgn org yg die tk suke??! ..Asal sbab takot nnt kt class die kene isolated? ..Sbab kawan baru die kn laen class ..Cume lecture class aje same ..Btol jgk kate wenshi dat tym ..Tkd kawan mcm die pn bgs ..Tk rugi pape pn ..(%$#)£°%#)pnye pmpn!!!!

Stress aku stress!!

Today is a very hectic day for me!! ..Frstly I muz meet kak murni to take clothes frm her at NTU during my 2 hrs break ..Cnfrm kene naek cab to go der cz kalo naek bus msti I wnt make it in tym for my next lesson ..I need to use the money to guy shoe for tmrw and im worry I wnt have enough money to buy shoe ..And cnfrm I dnt have the tym to eat ..Who cares!! Wads imprtnt is the clothes dat I need to take frm her ..Secondly I need to meet kak lily at tnjng pgr at her wrkplace to collect the shirt ..Aftr dat I muz meet miting to pass her costume and aftr dat I muz go to the cobbler to paku my kasot and den bli kasot ..And FYI I hvnt evn pack for tmrw!!! Wif my condition yang blm pack bag, kene jmpe kak lily, jmpe miting, pegi cobbler, bli kasot cnfrm balek lmbt and cnfrm tdo lmbt ..Lgi bsk kene bgn pagi giler!! And kpow gve me the responsibility to take care of the flowers ..Takot aje lupe nak bwk flowers though da buat checklist ..Most imprtntly is make up and costume ..Kalo tk bwk mampos!!!!!

Should i listen to my instincts??

Okae its weird wen he sddnly send me dat kinda msg ..Usually he will juz msg me "gud nyte, suwit dreamz" ..The furthest he may go is juz "gud nyte dear ...." ..But weirdly tonyte he msged me 2 tyms ..Frst msg was as usual "gud nyte suwit dreamz" ..I tot he wuld juz went to sleep ..But a few mins later he msged me again and saying the suwit tings lyk "sleep tight ....dnt frgt to miss me...." ..OMG hw weird is dat ..Since i knew him,since i contacted him he nvr once msg me lyk dat fr gud nyte msg ..Bt tonyte he msg me lyk dat ..Wana noe wad is the frst ting dat crosses my mind? ..He mistaken me wif another person ..Mayb he cn msg the wrng person ryte ..He intended to msg another person but msged me in mistake ..I tried to tink positive ..Tried to tink dat he might actuali msg tings lyk dis at tyms but sumhw my instincts juz say dat msg isnt for me ..It kept telling me dat dat msg is fr sumone else wen i tried to tink positive ..And wad i hate the most about my instinct is dat it says dat he's might actuali contacting another woman ..Is it true??? ..Gawd why am i tinking lyk dis ..I noe he's a nice guy, sticking to one ..Evn i get a positive feedback,comment about him frm his bestfrend ..But why am i tinking lyk dis aftr i received the msg?? ..Is my instincts playing me off? ..I tink if im on the fone wif him n he said dat i wuld believe dat is for me ..Cz honestly i say,him on the fone talking to me and him on the fone msgng wif me is totally different ..Wen im on the fone wif him i juz feel dat he cared soo much about me and i can feel it ..But wen im msgng wif him i juz feel dat he cant be bothered wif me and i tink he find me irritating ..Wen i post all kinds of sad posts he said to me dat he felt guilty ..As if he's the cause for my sadness ..The fact is he's not the cause of it ..But at tyms i juz feel dat he cant be bothered wif me ..Lyk as if im a pest in his lyf ..I juz wan him to be honest wif it if i am ..And now im chatting wif he's bestfrend and i shall see wad his bestfrend wuld say ..Hmmm ....

Aku jatuh cinta

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Tak pernah ku ragu
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Sungguh aku....
Jatuh cinta kepadanya

Coba-coba dengarkan apa yang ingin aku katakan
Yang selama ini sungguh telah lama terpendam
Aku tak percaya membuatku tak berdaya
Tuk ungkapkan apa yang ku rasa

Kadang aku cemburu
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Hatiku yang terdalam
Betapa aku jatuh cinta kepadanya

Miss my skul days where i can enjoy free photoshoot!!

Ouh god, luking thru these oics makes me miss my skul days where i get to enjoy myf ree photoshoot fr 3 yrs strght ..I wana enjoy it again but too bad i've graduated frm my sch soo too bad ..I can juz stare at these pics ..Hmmm memories ....

 

Read carefully ..

Expressing my emotions and thoughts thru lyrics of songs ..Soo if you wana noe wad im feeling try to read the lyrics of the song i've posted and try to undrstnd the meaning of the lyrics ..Surely you'll undrstnd wad im feeling ryte now ..

Suara ku berharap

Di sini aku masih sendiri
Merenungi hari-hari sepi
Aku tanpamu
Masih tanpamu

Bila esok hari datang lagi
Ku coba 'tuk hadapi semua ini
Meski tanpamu ooooo
Meski tanpamu

Bila aku dapat bintang yang berpijar
Mentari yang tenang bersamaku di sini
Ku dapat tertawa menangis merenung
Di tempat ini aku bertahan

Suara dengarkanlah aku
Apa khabarnya pujaan hatiku
Aku di sini menunggunya
Masih berharap di dalam hatinya

Kalau ku masih tetap di sini
Ku lewati semua yang terjadi
Aku menunggu oooo
Aku menunggu

Suara dengarkanlah aku
Apa khabarnya pujaan hatiku
Aku di sini menunggunya
Masih berharap di dalam hatinya

Buktikan ..

Ku tahu kau begitu ingin bersamaku
Karena aku pun juga ingin bersamamu
Tapi tak semudah itu jadi pacarku
Jika baru sesaat kau jelang denganku

Buktikanlah kau cinta padaku
Buat aku tergila-gila padamu
Jangan dulu kau lelah menunggu
Ku ingin lihat kesungguhanmu
Sebelum ku bilang i love you
I love you, ku bilang i love you
I love you

Ku berikan satu cara mendapatkan ku

Jangan banyak bicara kau tunjukkan saja

Biar aku yang nilai semua usahamu

Apakah kau bisa masuk daftar cintaku

Buktikanlah kau cinta padaku
Buat aku tergila-gila padamu
Jangan dulu kau lelah menunggu
Ku ingin lihat kesungguhanmu
Sebelum ku bilang i love you

Mudah saja kau bilang cinta kepadaku
Tapi lidah tetap saja bisa menipu

Buktikanlah kau cinta padaku
Buat aku tergila-gila padamu
Jangan dulu kau lelah menunggu
Ku ingin lihat kesungguhanmu
Sebelum ku bialng i love you

Eat!!!!

Im eating alot lately!!! ..I tink soon i'll grow fat ..I dont noe y im eating alot ..Mayb cz im hapi den my appetite juz tend to arouse and i ate alot, ALOT lately especially during my 3 wks of attachment ..I've been buying chocolates since der's promotion @ 7-11 ..2 crunchies for $2 ..Who wuld wana miss dat promotion man ..I'll be stupid to miss dat promotion since i enjoy eating crunchie ..And not only dat i get hungry easily lately ..Let's put it in dis way ..Aftrnn shift, my mum cooked at home and i had my lunch ..Usually i only eat rice once per day and i wnt feel hungry until nxt morning ..But lately, i had my lunch at home, 4 hrs later i started feeling hungry and wen my shift is over i reach home and i feel hungry again!! ..Am i out of my mind?? ..Dis is madness okae not hunger ..I cant tolerate dis growing fatter nonsense but i juz cant cntrl my eating habits lately ..I juz wana eat and eat and eat ..Sumone help me plzzz!! ..Cntrl my eating habits for me!!! ..Not only dat, aftr i ate rice a few mins later sddnly i feel lyk eating sumting else ..*cimil-cimilan* ...Mampos lar lyk dat ..I grow fat how?? ..I gotta maintain dis body sey ..I dont wana grow fat ..Later wana dance difficult ..Easy to get tired ..Haha i wonder who wuld wan me if i reali do grow fat ..Hmmmmm ....I hope my weight doesnt shoot ovr 45 ..Gawd i'll be stress if it shoots ovr 45 ...Gotta maintain dat 42 .....

Hanya engkau yang mampu ....

Ku cuba redakan relung hati

Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi

Terlukis di dalam kenangan

Bebas bermain di hatiku

Cerita tentang masa lalu

Cerita tentang kau dan aku

Kini tinggal hanya kenangan

Kau abadi di dalam hatiku

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan engkau pergi

Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ign mati

Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir

Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Cerita tentang masa lalu

Cerita tentang kau dan aku

Kini tinggal hanya kenangan

Kau abadi di dalam hatiku

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan engkau pergi

Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati

Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir

Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Aku cinta ooohhhh

Aku cinta ooooooo

Aku cinta ooohhhh

Aku cinta ooooooo

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan engkau pergi

Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati

Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir

Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Aku cinta ooohhhh

Aku cinta ooooooo

Aku cinta ooohhhh

Aku cinta ooooooo

Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Ooooo .....

Not sure ....

Sumtyms i juz feel soo stupid hoping too much on sumting dat i dont even have the confident will happen ..But the ting i dont understand is wen i hope for it, it never hppns, but wen i never hope for it lots of gud tings hppns ..I just dont undrstnd y ..I dont wana get excited over tings but end up making me disappointed ..Honestly now i dont feel excited animre over wad im hoping soo much for ..Bcz to wad i see onli im the one who's excited and hoping for it too much ..I tink its better to let tings be the way it is now ..No changes for the time being ..And also im not ready for anyting new in my life ..Cz i wan someting new dat will cum in my life to have a sense of seriousness ..I dont wana fool myslf cz it will onli brng embarassment to myslf ..Im not even sure wad i wan ryte now ..Weder i wan my life to be the way it is or i wan sumting new to cum into my life ..Im soo confused ..Bcz like i said if der's sumitng new i wan it to have a sense of seriousness ..Soo wen i see der's no sense of seriousness im not sure weder i'll let it cum ..Not dat im referring to anyting specifically ..Juz feel like posting dis ..Hmmmmm .....

Boiling point!

I juz dont feel the excitement animre ..I feel lyk not going fr the attachment oready ..Most of my attachment is in the aftrnn ..And it ends late, at 9pm ..I juz enjoy morning shift cz though i have to wake up early i get to go home early too ..But if i strt in the aftrnn im gng home late and i juz cnt afford to do work in the aftrnn ..Definitely i will feel soo unmotivated most of the day ..Cz aftrnoons are meant for rest nt work ..Dats wad i tink ..But luckily im attached wif my close frend thruout my attachment in hsptl ..At least der's frend ryte ..But still i dont have the mood oready ..Der is also morning shift fr me but i have to go thru aftrnn shifts frst b4 enjoying my mrng shift ..OMG hw am i suppose to survive dis whole 3 wks of attachment? ..

Tkkn ade sape2 yg akn faham

Terase sedeh mlm nie ..Ntah lar knape sedeh mlm nie ..Kdng2 terase mcm diri nie bodoh sgt ..Mengharapkn sesuatu yang blm tentu jadi and end up terluke sendiri ..Tkd org yg akn faham perasaan nie ..Evn diri sendiri pun tk faham dgn perasaan nie ..Ape yg aku nak cume seseorang untk mengisi kekosongan hati nie since die da dtg dlm idop nie ..Tapi kdng2 hati nie tk yakin die sanggup mengisi kekosongan hati ..Mcm mane tk ragu2 die sendiri tak tunjuk yang die crious dgn aku ..Ntah2 aku jer yang harapkn sgt dari die padehal die tk harapkn ape2 ..Kalo mmg btol mcm tuu aku cume nak die teros terang aje ..Tak payah lar aku mengharap kn sesuatu ..Mcm menharapkn buah yang tk jatoh2 ..Hati nie da terlanjur sayang tapi kalo mcm nie diperlakukan tk usahlar kamu melanjutkannye ..I might be feeling tonyte but dis is wad im feeling ryte ..Terkilan rase hati nie ..Yes i love him tapi die ade perasaan yang same ker dgn aku? ..Harus ker aku ternanti2 jawapan die? ..Sebab hati dan fikiran nie tgh berkecamuk ..Tk tau ape yang patot dibuat ..Cume dpt berdoa ..Sekirenye die lar jodoh ku tuhan engkau pertemukan lar aku dgn die dan satukan kte berdue ..Itu aje yang aku inginkn saat nie ..Untuk selalu mendampingi die ..Bukan sebagai teman tetapi sebagai kekasih ..Kau kabulkan doa ku ini tuhan ..Dan sekirenye aku gagal buat kali ini, ini lar terakhir kalinye untuk aku mencari pendamping hidup ..Biarlah jodoh ku dtg sendiri di mase hadapan ..Dan tuhan kau hantarkan lar hati ini yang penuh dgn cinta untuk die biar die dapat menjawab segale persoalan dlm fikiran ini ..

Im scared ..Im worried ..

Im juz feeling soo scared and worried ryte now ..Juz today , JUST TODAY i realise dat its 3 days away frm my semester results ..Is dis crazy or wad? ..And im tinking weder i'll make it fr the next semester ..I dnt wana repeat semster fr a module ..Its such a waste of tym and energy for me ..I dont expect my results to be excellent but i juz wan it to be enough for me to move on to next semester ..I noe i hvnt been planning my tym properly last semester ..Im nt even ready for most of my exams ..But i did study hard for all my exams and i juz hope dat god will give me a chance to prove dat i can be better in next semester ..Im praying day and nyte dat i will make it ..I hope god will answer my prayer ..Well im being selfish am i? .Juz praying for myslf ..Okae i'll pray for all my best bebs too ..Hopefully dat we wuld all make it to next semester soo dat we can enjoy 1 mre semester tgt before changing class next yr ..Im absolutely positively gonna miz u gurls ..Ur craziness, ur care towards me, the love dat we share wif each oder ..Im gonna miz all those moments wen we frst get to noe each oder and become close till now ..I juz wish dat we will stick tgt thruout dis 3 yrs in np ..But i noe it will nvr cum thru ..Im juz tired of making new frends again and again ..But no matter wad gurls, if u'r reading dis, i juz wana say dat no matter hw many frends i will get to noe in future, u gurls will owaes be the frst in my heart and i shall nvr erase u gurls frm my best frends list ..U gurls are in my top list ..

Hapi!

Hapi, hapi, hapi! ..Hapi sesangat-sangat ..Tk bleh describe perasaan hapi nye tau ..N dnt ask hapi psl ape sbab i juz wana be hapi alone ..

I was shocked!

Hmm soo der was dis guy who was my partner wen i was performing for the Taman Warisan light up festival ..I barely noe him, its lyk onli dat entire 5 whole day of practices and the show itslf ..Soo im nt evn close wif him and our contact is only fb and msn ..And as i noticed he rarely sign into msn soo didnt actuali get to noe him ..We took quite a few photos tgt on the actual show day and dat was the last day dat i evr saw n talk to him ..Until it was yday dat i sign into msn and coincidentally he signed in too ..Well since i noe him i decide to chat wif him ..But i didnt hope for him to reply me but he actuali did ..And we didnt chat for awhile we chat for quite sumtym ..And the most shocking part was he asked for exchange number because he was rushing to go to hospital for his appointment ..I didnt expect him to take dwn my number because i tot he's the kind dat cant be bothered to get to noe me ..Well i was wrng arent i? ..And aftr we end our chat on msn he actuali msg me a few minutes aftr dat ..And again for the second tym i was shocked ..I still didnt expect him to msg me dat fast and we msg for quite a long tym ..Did he come into my life juz to cheer me up cz it happens dat i juz broke off wif my bf? ..I didnt noe y aftr i broke off wif my bf i msg him n tell him bout my feelings ..Mayb i felt dat he's the frend dat i wana talk to at dat moment ..Hmm he said he wana cheer me up by fetching me frm my dance but i was disappointed he didnt fetch me ..And i didnt noe y i felt dat disappointment ..Its nt as if i have anyting special wif him ..And den today he asked me out but until now he still hvnt reply me to confirmed weder he's taking me out or nt ..Im nt evn sure he's crious enough to take me out bcz by his behaviour now he's oready showing me dat he's not crious ..Soo y am i hoping for it ryte ..If he dont wana take me out den its fine wif me ..I can juz sit at home and clean up fr hari raya ..But he will be at lost bcz he didnt take me out ..Haha! ..

Ngeri! Seram!!

Hmm dis morning i saw a video on fb ..OMG its soo scarieeee!! ..Its about a bunch of guys i tink mayb in the middle-east, dey went to dive in dis sea ..Onli saw 2 guys ..The frst guy managed to dive safely but ....The second guy dived and his face hit the rocks by the sea ..OMG the water was full of blood! ..Wad i predicted wasnt true ..His face sliced into half!! ..Mid-saggitally ..And as the nurses and doctor cleaned the blood on his face they try to join bck his face ..I noe it might not sound scarie but believe me its totally scarie ..It tingles up my spine ..I noe as a nurse i might see most infact worse den dis kinda cases but please advice to the public dont do anyting stupid dat might end up into troubles ..Bcz it not onli troubles you but everyone around you ..And please love ur life ..I noe some people might wana spiced up their life by doing crazy stuffs but please tink before doing anyting ..Bcz u will regret in future wen bad luck strikes ..I assure u dat ..

What am i to do??

Im having soo much confusion in me right now ..I juz dont noe wad to do wif my life ..Wad i meant is my relationship ..I noe i still love him but evryting i do now juz isnt ryte in his eyes ..Is it ryte fr me to say dat i wana let him go bcz i dont wana hurt him even more ..Yes i noe i sound lyk a jerk but wad am i suppose to do? ..We've been quarrelling alot lately bcz of some misundrstndngs ..He told our problem to a bunch of frends and one of his frends told him dat im bored of him,im tired of him, i simply cant be bothered wif him ..If i were to let him go wouldnt his frends say dat im a total jerk? ..Treating a guy dat has been soo nice towards me thruout dis relationshp badly ..But isnt it best fr me to decide to let him go rather den i hurt him even more ..I juz feel dat i cant commit to dis relationshp animre ..Bcz simply im bz wif skul and dance and he even say dat i have no tym fr him animre since im wif my dance ..And i've changed since dat ..I noe im hurting him now but if i were to let him go i will hurt him less and in fact wont hurt him animre ryte ..Am i a jerk den? ..I dont noe ..Tings were better before but now it got worse ..I reali need to tink thru dis cz i absolutely dont wana make a wrong decision dat i myself will regret later in future ..But im reali confuse now ..Part of me say i should let him go cz i will hurt him less but another part of me say dont let him go bcz he's a nice guy and it might not be easy to find a guy lyk him in dis world ..I reali3 need to tink hard ..Wreck my brain out ..Oh well we'll juz c wad will happen next ..