"Di dalam sekelip mata

Kau katakan kepadaku

Diri ini bukan lagi milikmu

Tidakku menyedari

Hatimu milik yang lain 

Biarkan ku sepi seorang diri

Oh kekasih

Tiada manis kata

Dapat ku lafazkan untukmu

Hanya sekadar doa 

Moga sentiasa bahagia

Hanya untukmu kekasihku oh Nurhafezah

Mahkota cintaku di hatimu milikku sahaja

Tetapi mengapa cinta ini hanya sementara

Tiba-tiba sahaja kau tinggalkan aku

Apakah salahku

Kau bertindak begitu hari bahgia

Diri ini masih merindui

Entah mengapa

Hatimu kian berubah

Biarku menanggung derita

Hanya untukmu kekasihku oh Nurhafezah

Mahkota cintaku di hatimu milikku sahaja

Tetapi mengapa cinta ini hanya sementara

Tiba-tiba sahaja kau tinggalkan aku

Apakah salahku

Kau bertindak begitu hari bahgia

Diri ini masih merindui

Entah mengapa

Hatimu kian berubah

Biarku menanggung derita"

~My dearest boyfrend created dis song juz for me wen i left him 3 yrs ago .. It was a vry meaningful song to him and evn though the lyrics to the songs are vry hurtful, i still appreciate dis song as it cums frm his sincere heart .. And i owaes wanted him to sing me the lyrics to dis song .. For nw it has bcum the No. 1 most favorite song in my lyf .. Thnx bie for the song .. I'll owaes wan u to sing me dis song .. I love u bie .. :')

Damn she's soo hard up wif HER TINGS! .. Nk sgt brng die kasi aje kt die .. Kalo bleh campak skali kt muke die .. Bnde nie mmg tkd kene mengene dgn life aku but still i feel u my dearest boyfrend .. Kalo part brng die mati2 hari nie jgk die nak .. Kalo tk kasi mcm2 die nk ugut .. Psl "brng" yg die kate die pnye pn nk heret2 name mahkamah .. Merepek kape tuu pmpn .. Haha .. Tkd kene mengene pn .. Msti hakim tuu pn ketawekn cz she's juz too childish .. Haha .. Is dat how a 20 yr old person who claims herself as mature shld behave? .. Dulu pndi nk ckp aku is dat hw a 19 yr old shld tink .. Skrg kene balek .. Haha .. Tuu lar .. Pndi mengate org .. Diri sendiri pn same aje .. At least aku mengaku aku ade childish part .. Drpd die .. Die fiker die mane pnye mature aje .. Haha .. Padehal fikiran cetek .. Fikiran mcm org tk berakal .. 
And skrg bile part mntk balek brng yg die pegang which belongs to my boyfrend pndi plak cuak .. Dah tuu pndi nk cover ass die and srh my boyfrend to simpan aje "brng" yang die ckp die pnye .. Haha .. Tkt kn .. Part da kene balek baru nk cuak .. Padan muke die .. haha ..

How great can my life get .. Its getter damn better and better each day .. As tym pass, no more nosy buggers out der who enjoys interfering wif my lyf .. Now evrybody seems to shut the fuck up and be gone .. Dats freaking better .. Im enjoying evry second of my lyf without having to see wad evr bullshits comments being made .. Finally they realise and undrstnd the true meaning of getting a life .. Haha .. Great  .. Now they realise dat saying all those tings to me were a waste of tym cz i dont evn bother bout wad dey say .. Haha .. Stupid assholes wasting their time and electricity and eye power to even visit my blog and even comment on it .. Hahahaha!!! ..

Wad a blessing bdae i had .. Simply love evry sec of it spend wif my sumone precious whom i love soo much .. Esp the bdae prsnt dat i got frm dat sumone .. Soo goreous! .. Not forgetting families and frends who care and wishing me bdae wishes continously .. Touched my warm heart .. Simply love the life im living in .. Its great wen i manage to owaes smile and be positive despite sum negativities i get in life .. Bt wad the heck .. Life's nvr owaes perfect .. Der's owaes sum imperfections here and der .. Dats wen i step in to push evryting away and see the imperfections in a perfect way .. Its great being me .. 

Life's great wen im surrounded by ppl who loves me and i love them definitely and not caring bout those fucking assholes out der who enjoys interfering wif ppl's life .. They are juz wind to my ears .. Evry obstacles can definitely go thru in a blink .. And its dat easy wen i have sumone beside me at all tym .. Its damn true wen he told me to juz ignore wadevr dey say .. I'll do dat for a chnge ..

And to sya, pmpn yg suke menyebok hal org .. Kalo kau da tau ape kau ckp tuu kau pn buat jgn nk pndi2 bbual dgn aku psl tk muhrim nie sume .. Haram nie sume .. Pegi cermin diri kau tuu dulu .. At least aku bbual psl pahale dose nie sume tkd lar aku mcm kau ckp kt aku psl nie sume padehal kau buat ape yg kau ckp .. Haha .. Kau fucking lame arh .. And lagi satu .. Aku bkn minah merepek mcm kau nk rembat2 nie sume .. Pmpn merepek sak kau rembat2 nie sume .. Zaman bile sak nk rembat2 .. Ketalan arh kau .. haha .. Nmpk sah kau nie minah2 merepek yg nk step suci bbual psl bkn muhrim and haram padehal diri sendiri pn buat .. Haha! .. Lame ass shit arh kau dok .. Lgipn aku bkn bodo mcm kau nk maen rembat2 nie sume and in the end having to deal with law .. Kalo kau brani deal with law kau cntnue arh threaten aku, maen rembat2 childish kau nie .. In the end kau yg merane sendiri .. Nie spore lar wei .. Cameras are evrywer .. Eyes are evrywer .. Kau bwk aku satu corner pn in the end kau yg kene tangkap .. haha .. And dat tym aku yg akn ketawekn kau .. Hahahahha!! ..

To Syahirah wadevr shit ur name is .. Kau da libatkn psl arwah bpk aku .. FYI mase arwah bpk aku ade pn aku da mmg balek lmbt .. Kau fiker aku minah kental balek mlm2 ble da tkd cntrl? .. Ehk tolong ehk .. Ntah2 kau yang kene cntrl dgn mak bpk kau .. And lagi satu .. Kau bbual psl arwah bpk aku kau suke kalo ble bapak kau MATI aku plak yg ckp mcm tuu psl kau .. Atau pn sape2 lar yg ckp kau tkd bapak sbab tuu kau bleh buat ape kau suke .. Kau tkya nk kurang ajr nk libatkn bpk aku .. Bnde nie tkd kene mengene dgn die .. Aku bukan lame mcm kau nk ckp psl org yg da tkd .. And he's proud hvng me as a daughter .. Ntah2 sbab bpk kau tk proud ade kau as a daughter dats y kau ckp mcm nie kt aku .. HAHAHAHAHHAHA!! .. Kau tgk aje .. Nnt ble bapak kau MATI msti ade org ckp balek .. Wads goes arnd cums arnd .. Msti kau dpt lgi rbk drpd aku .. Mase tuu baru kau mkn balek perkataan kau tuu ..

Im glad im not blinded wif jealousy .. Its great to have a grndmum who owaes reminds u how evil jealousy can be .. U can do tings out of ur control and in fact can ruin ur life .. Soo im glad im not one of the stupid jealousy victims who did stuff dat eventually ruins their own life .. ♥

Its as easy as ABC .. Org tk kacau idop aku, aku tk kacau idop org .. Org tk kurang ajr dgn aku, aku tk kurang ajr dgn org .. Kau mulekn, kau sendiri tamatkn .. Aku tkd nk dendam2 nie sume cume aku bkn pmpn bodo yg ddk kt dlm bilek nanges2 ble harge diri aku kene pijak mcm gini .. Im standing up for my rights .. Wen i noe im nt wrng i noe im nt WRONG .. Soo tkleh accept the fact tuu kau pnye psl .. Kau yg tgh buat diri kau jadi gile sbab kau yg mulekn nie sume .. Maken kau ckp maken giler lar kau .. Wads the point? .. Pffft!

Hey manusie2 yg kt luar sane .. Thnk u lar ehk sbab kutok2 aku, mengumpat psl aku, mengate psl aku, namekn aku "husbandsnatcher" .. Thnk u vry much .. Sbab aku dpt pahale krng .. Krng pnt2 cari pahale pas tuu ble mengumpat aku, mengate aku, kutok aku, aku yang dpt pahale krng .. Buat lar lgi .. Aku suke skali .. Ckp lar ape krng nk ckp psl aku .. I noe myslf well .. Kau nk influence satu dunie pn influence lar .. aku tk peduli .. Nak pndi2 mengutok org .. tkp aku lagi suke krng buat mcm nie .. kutok lar aku byk2 .. best .. aku tkya nk stress2 fiker nk cari pahale mcm mane .. aku slalu dpt pahale free .. free flow .. aku tau aku tkya kasi kt krng sbab aku tkd mengumpat psl krng .. aku bkn mcm krng .. suke jage tepi kain org .. i got a lyf .. not like u all .. haha .. Such a PEST! .. :)

I have the best remedy to cure dis pain in my heart .. I noe my secret recipe will definitely be der for me to make me frgt sumone who's nt worth it .. Im loving my secret recipe more and more each day ..It juz cheers me up looking at my secret recipe and tinking of "it" all the tym .. It juz makes me feel lyk im in heaven .. Im am head over heels over u my secret recipe .. 

Stupid dumb ass bitches interefering wif wad im gng thru .. Aku tak kacau idop krng jgn nk menyebok kacau idop aku .. Nk pndi2 mengate org mcm lar pndi sgt bab2 rumah tangge nie sume .. Haha .. Sume maseh mentah lar .. Aku tak ckp aku pndi tapi at least aku tkdlar nk kasi advice sini, advice sane, mengate sini, mengate sane .. Dah tuu mengumpat hal suami kt org laen .. Tk tau ker berdose besar tuu? .. Tsk tsk tsk .. Sbab tuu aku ckp maseh mentah .. Tetap jgk nk berlagak mane pnye pndi budak2 nie .. Get a life ppl! .. Im hapi wif the way i am .. Soo jgn nk ganggu aku .. Tkd pn aku retakkn relationship sape2 .. Orang ade pilihan .. Da besar panjang tau mcm mane nk fiker .. Mcm mane die nk go thru his life .. Bknnye aku pakse die buat pape .. Die yang decide sendiri .. Soo jgn nk pndi2 ckp aku smbrng .. Aku diam tk bermkne aku biarkn ape krng sume ckp .. Tuhan aje tau ape yg aku buat .. Soo tggu ajelar balasan die ye .. :)

Bila cinta kini tak lagi bermakna

Yang ku rasa kini hanyalah nestapa

Ditinggalkan cinta masa lalu

Dulu kau tawarkan manisnya janjimu

Dan sambut itu dengan segenap hatiku

Hingga engkau pergi tinggalkan ku

Hilangnya cintamu menusuk hatiku

Hingga ku memilih cinta yang fana

Perginya dirimu merobek jantungku

Hingga ku terjatuh dalam harapan

Ku sebut namamu di setiap doaku

Bangkitkan setiap kenangan tentangmu

Yang ku dapat hanyalah bayangmu 

Hilangnya cintamu menusuk hatiku

Hingga ku memilih cinta yang fana

Perginya dirimu merobek jantungku

Hingga ku terjatuh dalam harapan 

Why the hell did she tink im having an affair wif him? .. I have got noting to do wif his life .. After all, face the fact, he's still attached to her .. He didnt even go after me lyk how she tot he did .. He juz texted me but not meeting me behind her, not dating me, not even doing anyting stupid wif me .. Im wif my lyf, he's wif his lyf .. Soo y muz she say such stuff making ppl tink dat im the one who ruined evryting dat was built btwn him and her .. Wen the actual fact here im going thru life as it is .. I've oready draw myslf a boundary btwn me n him .. Yes he can contact me, talk to me, text me .. I can still bother to reply to all of it .. But if i were to have an affair wif him behind her, oh no dats not gonna happen .. Im selfish i have to admit .. If i were to have a guy i wan him solely mine .. No sharing wif oder woman .. Soo wad for im sharing him wif her wen the fact is im selfish .. Der's no point to it .. I hate sharing dis kinda tings wif oder ppl .. I wan it for myself and onli mine .. Dont she get it? .. I didnt ask for him to contact me once again .. I didnt seduce him .. Its juz the situation makes him fall back for me once again .. Who to be blamed? .. Him? .. NO he's not at fault .. Den god? .. How can we blame god .. We dont ask for dis .. It juz happen .. Soo y muz she say such stuff to make ppl tink dat he's cheating on her by going back to me wen the fact dat he's juz having feelings for me but he didnt go back to me .. Going back as in having a relationship wif me .. Dont she understand wad does dat mean? .. He's still wif her .. Not wif me .. Soo she better not create stories and make ppl tink im the bad one here .. Coz im not .. I didnt do anyting wrong .. I have my limits .. I noe he's attached to her .. Im not a relationship wrecker .. Get it strght in ur head my dear frend ..

Dear god, y muz i go thru all dis? .. Y muz i face too many problems at once? ..Im not strong to handle too many tings in life .. Im juz weak .. Y muz those tings which i mange to throw away years bck cum bck once again .. And wen it cums bck now, im unable to keep it .. I muz throw it far far away once again .. I am able to cntrl myslf but i guess the situation makes me confuse .. Makes me feel soo doubtful of the strong decision i've made .. I noe im not suppose to feel dis way and im controlling it but im juz too weak and he's not helping me .. In fact i guess he made it more worse .. And im lyk tinking of it all the tym .. Im guilty .. Damn guilty .. God noes wad im gng thru .. He noes im doing sumting wrong .. I hope he's able to forgive me .. I did sumting wrong but i believe it will never happen again .. But im worried at the same tym .. Am i able to really control it as how i wanted i to be? .. Tings happen for a reason but im not sure wads the reason it came back to me once again .. And knowing the fact dat im unable to even keep it in me animore, the more im curious of wads the reason for it appearance once again in my lyf .. Im trying hard, damn hard to discard dis away .. I hope i wont do anyting stupid in future dat will make me regret for the rest of my lyf .. Coz dis aint juz abt me dis involves sumone else .. Sumone innocent ..

Sesungguhnye Allah itu memang maha adil .. Die tahu ape yang layak untuk umatnye dan setiap kelakuan ade balasannye .. Yg baik dibalas baik, yang jahat dibalas jahat .. Sudah semestinye bile kite lukekn hati org, akhirnye kite yg terluke sendiri .. Mungkin aku pernah lukekan hati seseorg dulu dan aku dah dapat balasannye bile aku dilukekn si die .. Tapi lepas die lukekan hati aku, aku serahkan sume pade Allah .. Sekarang aku rase die dpt balasannye tanpe aku berdendam atau buat jahat .. Aku cume tengok dari jaoh dan berdoa aje .. Bile aku sukekan die, die maen2kn perasaan aku .. Skrg die yg dipermainkan .. Allah da pun menjawab doa aku, alhamdullilah .. Tapi belum semue dikabulkan .. Takpe .. Aku akan sabar menanti ape kesudahan sepasang kekasih tuu .. Ape mereke akan gembire atau pun tidak .. Aku akan terus berdoa dan mudah-mudahan doa aku terkabul .. Amin ..
Dulu, aku yang menangis, die yang tertawe bahagie ..
Sekarang, aku yang tertawe bahagie, die pulak yang menangis ..

"You created dis mess in the frst place .. I've done my part by leaving evryting to god .. Now u came along wanting me to hear u out and i did .. Now im juz gonna sit back and watch as u struggle wif wad u are unable to handle .. Im never gonna help u coz im never ur frst choice .."

  
I was glad dat at least i still exist in his mind and he made the effort to strt the conversation wif me.. But still no matter wad im still his 2nd choice so why muz i give my all to him ryte .. Aftr all, he'll still go back to her even if im fully devoted to give my time for him .. Im never his .. Soo im juz gonna sit back and watch how is he trying to handle sumting wild dat surely is not his type of nature .. I will help juz by listening but wen it cums to sumting more den juz listening, i aint doing anyting .. As much as i care for him and i aint letting anyting hurt him, i believe dis is a total eye opener for him and i wan him to learn it all by himself without me telling him his mistakes .. I guess dis is wad he deserve .. He wans her soo much and wen truth finally reveals he might have juz regretted but still doesnt wana let go of wad he's suppose to .. Soo im juz gonna let him suffer for his mistakes and let him learn his lesson and wen he tinks he's ready for me he noes wer to get me .. Im juz gonna watch and smile from far and sadly to say, i'll be waiting for him ..

I hate it wen my oder patients or their relatives pinch their noses wen i change my patient's diapers aftr she passes motion .. They are soo ignorant!! .. They act as if their shit smells soo nice .. Well they dont realise dat their shit smells as bad or their shit might smell even worst den my patient .. Bunch of idieots!! .. Imagine if they are the ones who are bed ridden, unable to go to toilet, on diapers, have to urine and shit on diapers on bed and ppl around them pinch their noses right infront of them .. How wuld they feel? .. Definitely hurt ryte .. Definitely humiliated ryte .. As if my patient is such a smelly old lady .. The fact is everybody's shit is smelly .. Its dirty tings wad dat came out from our body .. Dats y its smelly .. And the fact dat my patient even realise dat it will be smelly and she asked me to turn off the fan soo dat the smell doesnt diffuse around the cubicle, dat makes me hate the patients and family members more .. I really pity her .. She's such a nice lady .. And yet people have to be soo rude pinching their noses infrnt of her .. I feel lyk slapping their faces wen they do dat .. As if they soo perfect .. Even if u'r pretty or not, young or old, ur shit will still smell bad .. Soo dont be a FUCKER by doing all those rude behaviours infrnt of ppl who are juz illness victims .. Its not as if they ask for it .. They never ask for themself to be bed ridden .. Im sure if its possible they even wan to go toilet soo dat they dont have to face all those ignorant people .. And i have to say all of those ignorant fuckers are C*****E .. And they feel dat they are soo perfect, soo hygienic, not lazy and many oder ignorant stuff .. The fact is they are not perfect .. They dont even wash their ass wif water and soap aftr dey shit, never bath in the morning and they have the guts to say they're hygienic ..They are a bunch of disgusting people .. I HATE THEM ..STUPID C*****E!!!! Because of some bunch of people, i hate the whole group of them ..

Lelaki:
Maafkan saya .. Sesungguhnya saya sudah menjumpai apa yang dimaksudkan dengan jodoh daripada Allah .. Saya nak jadikan awak yang halal buat saya .. Sentiasa berada di sisi saya dalam susah dan senang dan sentiasa menemani saya di dunia, akhirat dan insyallah cinta sampai syurga ..

Perempuan:
Saya perlukan cinta, kasih dan sayang yang ikhlas .. Hingga nyawa tercerai dari jasad  .. Bukan untuk dipermainkan .. Bukan untuk dipersendakan ..

Lelaki:
Saya ada impian .. Dan impian saya cuma satu .. Saya ingin sehidup semati dengan awak .. Tapi kali ini saya memang benar-benar jujur dan ikhlas .. Mungkin cinta saya tidak seaggung cinta Nabi Muhammad kepada Siti Khadijah .. Atau tidak sehebat cinta Zulaikha kepada Nabi Yusuf .. Tapi apa yang saya tahu, saya perlukan awak dalam hidup saya ..


~Syurga Cinta~
 

Cinta dan hati saya hanya untuk orang yang benar-benar ikhlas mengenali saya ..
Bukan untuk dipersendakan ..

Cinta itu adalah permulaan jodoh ..
Dan jodoh itu terbagi pade 3 ..
Pertama, jodoh dari Syaitan: Kamu berdua berkenalan, berpegangan tangan dan terus buat maksiat. Akhirnya dia hamil baru kamu menikahiya ..
Kedua, jodoh dari Jin: Kamu berdua berkenalan. Kamu sukakan dia tapi dia tidak menyukai kamu.
Kamu bomohkan dan sihirkan agar dia suka kepada kamu, dan kamu berdua menikah ..
Ketiga, jodoh dari Allah: kamu berdua berpandangan mata terus menusuk ke kalbu. Kamu terus meminangnya dan dia terima pinangan kamu. Dan kamu berdua menikah ..
Insyallah berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat. Dan itulah yang dikatakan 
Syurga Cinta .. 

Inilah aku apa adanya
Yang ingin membuatmu bahagia
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Sesempurna cintaku padamu

Ini cintaku apa adanya
Yang ingin selalu disampingmu
Ku tahu semua tiada yang sempurna
Di bawah kolong langit ini

Jalan kita masih panjang
Ku ingin kau selalu di sini

Biar cinta kita tumbuh harum mewangi
Dan dunia menjadi saksinya
Untuk apa kita membuang-buang waktu
Dengan kata-kata perpisahan

Demi cinta kita aku akan menjaga
Cinta kita yang telah kita bina
Walau hari terus berganti hari lagi
Cinta kita abadi selamanya

Dis is the first tym ever in my life i cried real bad and in fact cnt stop myself from crying juz bcz sumone who meant alot to me went off wif sumone else .. I wasnt expecting dis at all .. I ever once tot about him having a relationship wif sumone else and dats the reason he changed .. But i managed to throw dat tot away coz i believe he wont do dat .. But today i got to noe i was wrong .. And my tot was ryte .. I should have listened to my frst instinct and asked him from the very beginning wen he changed .. At least i wuldnt feel real bad like wad im feeling ryte now .. Im not understanding myslf ryte here .. I noe i got no feelings for him at the beginning .. But as days goes by maybe dat feeling developed wen i owaes tot bout him .. Well i have to admit dat i fall in love wif sumone easily .. Im easily touched by wad dey do to me even the smallest ting .. And the fact dat i fall in love easily, i get hurt easily too and same goes to dis, even the smallest ting can hurt me .. And i noe i have fallen for him soo wen i heard bout dat news definitely im crushed! .. And the worst part was i was having performance wen i heard bout the news .. Damn my face was a wreck .. My eyes got soo swollen from the crying and no matter how i try to smile i juz simply cant .. not even faking it .. But thank god on the actual performance i managed to throw my sadness aside and focus on my performance .. Or else i will definitely ruin evryting ..
I can accept it but i guess i need a whole lot of time to heal dis heart .. Especially wen i have to see the gurl's face every lecture and knowing dat she's the one who got his heart instead of me .. I will definitely have a lot of hell trying to forget him .. Seeing the gurl's face will onli bring evryting bck to me even if i manage to forget it .. Why do i have to have dis heart who falls for people easily? .. I hated being me!! .. If im firm wif my own feelings i wuldnt have gotten hurt lyk dis .. Instead i wuld have hurt sumone .. But hell no .. Each time i got hurt .. And i have to say dis is the 2nd time .. 2 times consequtively! .. I aint strong .. I have had it wif boys .. No more miss nice lady .. Im officially closing my heart .. I cant bear to go thru dis shit one more time .. Im onli reserving me heart for him no matter wad .. I dont care! .. Der's owaes god who's der to help me and i will pray hard for me to get him bck .. Call me desperate, call me wadevr u wan coz im onli doing dis in a legal way .. Its onli by praying to god and i noe its not a wrng ting to do .. Im not even doing anyting bad here ..

Seseorang yang kita fikir adalah milik kita ternyata bukan benar-benar milik kita .. 
Kita memiliki hatinya, tubuhnya dan cintanya tapi kita tidak akan pernah memiliki jalan hidupnya ..

Aku pernah tonton sebuah filem yang pesannya bilang bahawa jika kamu mencintai seseorang maka kamu harus mengatakannya begitu 'moment' itu datang .. Kerna kalau tidak maka 'moment' itu akan  pergi begitu saja dan tidak akan pernah datang lagi ..
Lalu kamu akan menyesal ..

Aku merasa ada yang hilang tanpa tahu apa yang sudah aku temukan ..
Aku merasa menemukan tanpa tahu apa yang aku cari ..
Dan aku seperti masih mencari tanpa tahu apa yang sudah hilang ..


Manusia memiliki mimpi ..
Ada yang mengejar dan mewujudkannya ..
Ada yang mundur dan membuangnya ..
Ada pula yang diam dan hanya menyimpannya sepanjang sisa hidupnya ..
Dan aku .. Aku akan menjadi manusia yang terakhir itu ..


Dia memilikiku di hari kelmarin ..
Kamu memilikiku di hari ini, besok dan seterusnya ..


Tidak ada pertemuan yang abadi ..
Seperti pertemuan, maka perpisahan pun tidak ada yang abadi ..

 

He's such a nice person .. He still bother to reply and ask me wad he normally asked .. I guess tings happen for a reason .. Now i believe he deserve sumone soo much better den me .. He's soo nice, i believe der's sumone out der who's more suitable for him .. Who's able to make him smile all day long .. Sumhow im glad he made the move to make us juz as frends .. Im not the best person to deserve him .. Sumone else who's much more nicer den me, who doesnt have mistakes in the past deserve him much more den i do .. Maybe dats y god made dis path for us .. Coz im such a bad person, i made mistakes in the past, dat i onli deserve the bad ones and not the good ones .. And i accept it .. I regretted for wad i've done and if dis is the way he wants to punish me, i accept it .. I wont go against his will .. Aniwae im still young and i still got a long way to go, many paths to go thru soo i tink im better off dis way .. Rather den i hurt myself once again .. I would rather stay dis way .. Until wen the tym cums and god sends me sumone who's fated for me .. Den i guess dats the tym .. For now i'll juz go thru wad life is for me .. At least i have my dance dat i can totally dedicate my tym to .. Well dats life .. Not evryting u wan u can have .. Soo juz accept and always give and take ..

Dont i matter to u animore? .. Well if u hate me its mind over matter .. I dont mind but however u still matter .. Its fine wif me if u wana hate me for wadever reason u have .. But damn ryte it hurts .. Mainly because u still matter to me .. But im juz an option to u wen i made u as a priority .. In fact my top priority .. How stupid of me to make u as a top priority and ended up im digging my own grave .. Such a a waste of tym .. I feel sorie for u coz im juz wasting ur tym .. Knowing me is juz a waste of tym ryte .. Texting me and calling me is juz a waste of time and money ryte .. I noe u wuld rather prefer doing sumting else rather den to waste ur tym on sumone who's not important in ur life .. U shldnt have replied my message wen i first msged u .. Den maybe tings wuldnt end up like dis .. U wuldnt have noe me and definitely u wuldnt have wasted ur time and money for sure talking to me .. Juz erase my number from ur phonebook for heaven's sake coz its juz a waste of ur memory .. Der's no point to it .. U changed and i noe i will never find the u i saw once .. No matter how or wad i do im sure it aint working .. Maybe instead u find me annoying and tries even harder to get rid of me .. Den i shall help u soo dat u wont have to work hard to get rid of me .. If dats wad makes u hapi .. Coz all i wan is to see u hapi .. And the perfect word for it is SACRIFICE ..

If you're too buy to call, I'll understand ..
If you dont have time to check on me, I'll understand ..
If you're late on our date, I'll understand ..
But if i stop loving you, its your turn to understand .. 
♥

Ouh dear .. Im like seeing him evrywer .. I noe its juz my imagination but evrytime i glance at one person i tot it was him .. but wen i looked straight into dat person i realise it wasnt him .. I hate dis feeling .. I hate seeing somebody else as him .. And i have no idea y im like dis .. Maybe i juz cant accept the drastic chnge in him .. Maybe dats y .. I've been living in dream these few weeks .. Firstly, my dad left me .. And now at the same time he's doing the same ting .. But in his case its abit different coz he left without any reason given to me .. Exactly the same case as my previous date .. I hate it wen guys do dat to me .. Though he clarified and didnt leave me hanging like how my previous date did, but still he didnt gave me the reason y he changed .. He said he got his own problems .. Yeah everybody have their own problems .. Even i have my own problem .. But i didnt change .. My behaviour towards him didnt change even a tiny bit .. But he change alot and i barely noe him now .. Even now wen i wanted to text him i feel like he's a total stranger .. He's not the him i knew once .. I have no idea wads the cause of dis .. Maybe i did sumting wrong to him dat hurt his feelings and thus he changed .. Or was it because ...... I dont noe .. Haizz .. For once i tot he's able to cure dis cut deep down in my heart .. but instead he created an even bigger cut and even deeper den wad i had previously ..

Its amazing ow people can change in a blink .. For his case, he changed drastically .. Sumhow i feel he's not him animore .. The real him i noe 3 weeks ago seems to have disappear or blend wif time .. Well he told me he got his own problems .. Everybody have problem .. Even i have my own problem .. But i didnt chnge lyk he did .. I still took the effort to msg him coz i still care .. But him? .. Since the day he told me he wanted to onli be frends wif me, dat was he day he strted chngng .. He stopped texting me, stopped calling me .. It suddenly feels soo different .. Drastic change .. And i dont even noe wad i did wrong to him .. If he tinks dat im a pest den fine i wont be intefering wif his life animore .. Well he said he'll be der as a frend wen im in need .. But wad the hell wen i text him wen im in need he strted acting dat way .. He's trying to show to me dat he doest give a damn ting bout me .. Den wad bout all the tings he told me once .. He really changed .. Totally change .. I dont even noe who he is now .. Im not even rushing into anyting wif him coz we are still raw but he said it in such way lyk as if im forcing him into a relationship wif me .. Well im not even ready yet to be in the relationship for now .. Soo im lyk totally taking dis ting slowly .. No rush .. Der's yet alot for me to noe bout him and now i have to find out dis from him .. I aint liking it ..
Y muz he act in dis way to me .. Enough wif wadever i faced previously wif dat guy and now i have to face dis .. Wen i finally found sumone whom i can be hapi wif, he acted dis way to me .. Fine! .. Den i guess dis wuld be the end of us .. Till the day he open up his eyes and mind and noe dat im hurt wif wad and how he's doing and acting like ryte now ..

Two times consequtively sumone did dis to me .. Wad have i done to deserve such ting? .. Well i tot for once aftr i managed to frgt about my past and move on i'll manage to find happiness wif sumone else .. And he's damn ryte wen he said wen i tot im owaes wrong .. And damn im wrong .. Maybe im juz fated to stay lyk dis til i get wad i deserved for wad i have done previously in lyf .. Byt wad culd possibly have gone wrong .. Coz its such a random ting to say wen he texted me .. I noe sumitng's wrong and he aint telling me .. He wont juz say dat, i noe .. Coz before he texted me i met him and we were oryte during dat tym .. I mean he was oryte .. He didnt even mention anyting about dis .. Maybe sumting happened over his practice and juz dat he doesnt wana tell me .. Damn wads wrong wif everyone?!! .. Wen im willing to give sumting dat i dont juz give to anyone, sumone juz misused it .. But wen im unwilling to give it to dem or no longer wan to give it to dem, dey will cum and find it and are willing to sacrifice anyting to get it back .. And now he's not replying to my msg wen i asked him y the random act .. Wads wrong wif him .. Wad have i done to him to deserve dis .. I noe we are juz frends .. I knew it from the start .. But its juz dat his random act hurts me .. Its how he put it into words dat hurts me .. And i dont noe y im getting soo affected wif wad he's telling me .. Wads wrong wif me!!!! ..
Haiz ... Thnx for being the 2nd one .. I soo do not need anymore of dis bullshit in my lyf .. Ive had it! ..

U can make me smile ..
U can make me laugh ..
But please ..
Dont ever ever let dis tears run down my cheeks again ..
Enough of those sleepless nights tinking and crying and foolishly waiting for  sumone whom not even worth it for me ..
Dont ever repeat it all over again ..
God noes wad i need now and i hope he informs u wad i need now ..

I hate dis feeling of insecure im feeling ryte now .. And it came all too sudden .. It was not as if its too obvious dat he's different today but i guess im juz too afraid dat my past might happen to me again dis tym round and all i wanted to do was to be careful of wad im doing or saying .. I figured i said sumting wrong today dat might juz hurt his feelings but i cant figure out wad yet .. And he's not helping by telling me wads wrng .. My gut feelings will never lie to me and i noe sumting's wnrg .. I dont expect anyting ryte now coz i used to hope too much on sumone and got disappointed in the end coz i was left "hanging" without a single word .. Damn i hate dat feeling .. I always hated being fooled .. Its easy for me to accept if dat sumone told me dat he doesnt wan anyting to do wif me but never ever can i accept wen sumone fooled me and left me woithout a word .. Enough wif wad i went thru a few months ago and wen i can finally find sumone who can cure all those hurtful moments, im afraid the same ting might juz happen and i might get hurt once again .. Damn it sucks to be me .. Luck is never on my side ..

Malam ini, ku sendiri, tak ada yang menemani, seperti malam-malam yang sudah, sudah
Hati ini, selalu sepi, tak ada yang menghiasi, seperti cinta ini yang selalu pupus
Tuhan kirimkanlah aku kekasih yang baik hati, yang mencintai aku apa adanya
Mawar ini, semakin layu, tak ada yang memiliki seperti aku ini semakin pupus

Damn! .. Bsk cnfrm hari yang paling menyumpah untuk aku .. Actually aku bleh choose nak buat bsk hari menyumpah atau tak .. Tapi cnfrm sumhw aku tak bleh tahan pnye dgn die soo msti aku naek berang .. 
Bsk due-due choreographer tkd kt class cz ade class laen .. Soo since die rase pade die, die adelar penari yang terhebat among kite sume mesti bsk die nak tunjuk besar .. Cnfrm bsk die nak sebok2 take over class .. Nak mrh2 org sbab slh position lar .. Technique salah lar .. Padehal kau tuu yang slh technique pompan .. Aku ajar bende laen kat kau, kau pegi ajr bende laen kt org laen den org laen fiker aku yang slh .. Padehal kau yang slh .. Biadap sungguh .. Tapi at last sume org tau jgk kn kau slh .. Sbab sume org buat ape yg aku ajr den kau srng shiock sendiri at last kau btol kn diri sendiri .. Mati kutu lar kau kat situ .. Padan muke .. Pandai ckp org slh padehal cermin diri sendiri .. Kau yang slh .. Bukan org laen .. Jgn fiker kau aje btol .. Ini bukan choreography kau .. Jadi jgn nak pandai2 ubah suai technique org jadi technique kau .. Tak sedar diri .. Konon da lame dlm tarian den kau aje lar btol .. Org laen sume slh .. Tuu kau silap .. Bukak mate besar2 .. The fact is kau yang slalu slh .. Kau yang slalu laen among kite2 yg laen .. Sbab kau tak pernah nak hargai reka tari org, technique org .. Nak ikot sedap diri joget style kau sendiri .. Dah tuu pndi2 ckp org nak pulaukan kau .. Mmg haros pon org pulaukan kau .. Tgk lar dgn attitude kau sendiri .. Asek fiker kau aje btol .. Smpi dgn senior sendiri pon brani tengking .. Kau sape nak tengking2 org .. Fiker org tuu pekak ape .. Padehal baru kt sblh aje .. Tk smpi 10cm away .. Tkkn kalo kau baek dgn org org nak pulaukan kau .. Evryting happen bcz of ur own doing .. Dont ever blame oders .. Cermin diri sendiri dulu sblm nak menyalahkan org laen ..

I realised now, he's the reason i cant sleep every nyte .. He's the reason i kept on smiling to myself .. He's the reason i cant seem to focus at times .. He's the reason i became lively .. He's the reason i fall in love ..
I dont noe wads wrng wif me .. I have yet to noe him but already i've started having feeling for him .. Mayb dis wad we call "love at first sight"? .. I cant simply stop tinking about him though im convinced dat im not in love wif him .. But as days goes by and he kept lingering in my mind, i tink its tym i declare officially i have fallen for him .. But i've learnt my mistake from my previous so-called relationship and im soo not gonna repeat it again if dis relationship's gonna work btwn me and dis new guy .. Coz im not letting go of dis chance once its in my hands ..
But at tyms i wonder weder is it really true dat dis is love at first sight? .. Or was it juz my feelings and i just get carried away wif it? .. How can i fall in love wif sumone whom i havnt talk to, whom i assume doesnt noe my name yet and not even sure weder he realises dat i exist in the first place .. I have to admit he's dreamy .. He got dis sweet baby face of his dat attracts me .. But a gud guy doesnt depends on his looks ryte .. How am i suppoe to get to noe him den? .. For my case, im shy to approach him and even say hi .. Dont even tink of doing it wen i saw him, i dont even dare to say hi to him on facebook .. Coz im afraid wad happened to me before will happen again .. Yes, der will be frends of mine who are willing and can help me to get him noticed about me .. But im juz too afraid of wads gonna happen in future .. I dont even noe weder i'll get to noe him before dis production ends .. And i noe after dis production ends, im sure ders no way i'll ever get to see him again .. And wad fears me more, mayb he'll find sumone else and wen i meet him the next tym, i'll get to noe dat he's attach .. Der goes my chance .. Dear god, help me in dis .. Please ....

Aku tak sangke hari nie aku jadi org jahat .. Pertame kali aku hilang sabar dgn pesakit aku .. Tak tau knape hari nie rasenye mcm da tk dpt nk sabar dgn perangai nenek tuu lagi .. Agknye slame nie aku da ckp sbr .. Dah tuu die mcm menguji tahap kesabaran aku smpi aku hilang sbr .. Aku rase sebab aku tak sabar lar die mengamok hari nie .. Die maken terok dari hari2 sebelomnye .. Slalunye kalo pn die marah die stakat memekak aje .. Hari nie die marah smpi jadi ganas .. Maen ludah2 lar, maen rejam dgn botol, maen tendang2 .. Mati aku jadi mangse .. Sebab aku halang die nak bgn dari katil die mengamok dah tuu die ludah aku .. Naseb baek aku da pkai apron for protection .. Kene kt apron, tk kene baju .. Kalo kene baju aku mmg aku maki nenek tuu abes abesan .. Pegi mati lar die org tue ker ape ker .. Kalo da smpi mcm gini mmg kene tegas dgn die .. Marah kalo perlu .. Dah tuu tkp .. Da abes ludah die tak puas hati sebab aku maseh halang die bgn dari katil, die amek botol die nak rejam aku .. Asl aku dtg dkt die die da nak rejam aku dgn botol tuu .. Naseb baek tk kene .. Padehal aku stakat nak halang die jadi die tk jatoh .. Kalo die jatoh mmg tuu die pnye pasal lar .. Yang saket pon die kn .. Tapi kn menyusahkan sume org .. Nnt kene buat report lar, nnt kene marah dgn nursing officer lar .. Die ckp senang lar, kalo jatoh, mati, tanam .. Tapi yang sengsare kite sume .. Yang kene tanggung nnt kite sume .. Lps tuu die maseh degel nak bgn jgk, die kene halang, die tendang kaki aku .. Kurang ajr btol org tue nie .. Tak ckp dgn tuu sume die maki2 aku .. Ckp aku nie sial lar, anak sundal, maki aku puki lar .. Sial btol org tuu nie .. Btol pnye menguji kesabaran .. Tuu kalo die maseh mude mmg aku da sepak muke die da .. Maki2 org sembarangan .. Padehal aku buat nie sume untk kebaikkan die ..  Binget sey .. Aku ape lagi takd nak kasi muke pnye .. Aku trs mrh balek die .. Aku lawan balek arh .. Fiker die sape yang sumpah2 aku .. Pegi mampos lar .. Geram btol!!! ..

Astarghfirullahala'zim .. Astargfirullahala'zim .. Astargfirullahala'zim .. Sesungguhnye allah tuu btol2 nak uji kesabaran aku menghadapi org2 tu yang dah nyanyuk .. Ya allah ampunkanlar dose2 aku dkt org tue tuu .. Sesungguhnya hari ini aku tak dpt kawal rase marah aku ini .. Aku khilaf .. 

OMG its soo sad knowing dat he's a gay!! .. With his good looks and charming personality its soo sad dat the fact is he's a gay .. And knowing he was with another gay once and in the relationship, he's the lady ... It hurts me to know dat .. Why must all dis happen ryte now in my millenium?? .. Why are all good looking guys are turning into gays? .. Wads soo gud of being a woman? .. Dont u noe the trouble of being a woman? .. Having to go thru the tym of the month, it aint pleasant .. Having to get pregnant and enduring the pain and agony evry single day and nyte and especially when going to the toilet doing "buisness" .. All those aint a gud experience .. And the fact dat woman have to give birth until their vaginas tore ... Tell me now wads soo gud of being a woman? .. Besides getting to make up and dress up nicely .. Wads soo great of being a woman .. Its not easy being a woman and yet guys out der still wana be a woman .. Hey guys, having breast isnt fun okae .. Evry tym of the mth wen it cums, u experienced breast pain .. U cant evn brisk walk because it will get hurt .. Dont evn tink of running .. Sumtyms it gets really swollen and u experience pain .. And dont get me started wif menstrual cramps .. U cant evn do any work especially the first few days .. Is dat wad u wan? .. If u tink being a woman is juz about make up and dressing up and being pretty, u gays are wrng!! .. Its more den all dat .. Sumtyms tings are evn worse den u gays tink .. Be greatful dat god has created u in a way dat u are now .. Being a man or woman has its own speciality .. If u're changing ur sex with the fact dat deep inside u'r still a guy, it means u'r not appreciating god's gift to u .. Den mayb one day god have to give a wake up call for u to show how much grateful u shld be wif HIS gift .. Not going against wad he created u as .. Yes u can say u have changed a penis into a woman's private part .. But does dat mean u have vagina? .. Does dat mean u will have menses? .. Does dat mean u can have sex? .. NO!! .. Coz u aint have a fucking vagina lyk oder original gurls! .. U can have as many anal sex as u wan .. Coz in the end u will suffer coz u're gonna experience anal traumas or evn bleeding .. And im sure anal sex are way painful den sex btwn man and woman .. Dats y be grateful dat u're a man rather den being created as an animal .. ASSHOLES!!!!!!!

Sesungguhnya allah aje yang tahu ape yang aku buat tuu untuk kebaikkan nenek tuu .. Aku terpakse bohong kt die yang aku nak antar die balek nnt bile aku da abes keje sebab aku taknak die bgn dari katil and jalan balek .. Dalar die tuu high fall risk precaution patient .. And die degil asek nak bgn dari katil sebab nak balek .. Jadi aku terpakse bohong kt die yang aku nak antar die balek lepas keje .. Sampai die menangis sebab die terharu jumpe org mcm aku yang sanggup nak antar die balik .. Tak putus2 die ckp terime kasih kat aku sambil nanges2 .. Aku memang rase serbe salah bile aku tengok die menangis .. Kesian mmg sgt .. Sejak die masok hospital, ank2 die sorang pun tk jengok die .. Sume buat hal masing2 .. Kesian nenek tuu .. Sampai anak org laen die mati2 ckp tuu anak die .. Sampai die terpekik kat dlm hospital panggil2 anak org yang die fiker tuu anak die .. Kesian sgt tgk die .. Tapi ape bleh aku buat .. Bknnye aku knl anak die sape yang aku bleh panggil die dtg jenguk nenek tuu .. Dah tuu lps die nanges2 die ckp kalo nnt aku tkd tmpt nk tggl, die srh aku tggl dgn die sebab aku da baik hati nak antar die balek rumah secare percume .. Lagi aku rase serbe salah .. Rase terharu pon ade .. Kesian sgt kt nenek tuu .. Da berminggu2 die kt hospital satu anak pon tk jengok .. Tuu baru anak .. Kate die, die ade ank angkt jgk .. Tuu pon ank angkt die srng pon tk jengok die .. Tak tau diuntung .. Org tue tuu da jage kau abeh bile die sakit mcm nie satu pon tknk jage die .. Tak sampai hati dibuatnye tgk nenek tuu .. Kdng2 nak buat die ketawe, buat die senang hati tapi asek balik aje yang die fikerkan .. Mcm mane nk buat die ketawe .. Haiz .. Aku cume bleh doakan aje nenek tuu slamat dunie akhirat .. Dan mudah2an allah dpt ampunkan dose aku bohong dgn nenek tuu .. Haizz ...

Binget giler smlm!! .. Binget dgn satu org yg baru aku dpt tau die pn suke favouritism .. Mampos! ..Due2 favouritism .. Ade die tegor aku dpn sume org .. Tertarik2 baju aku .. Fiker aku nie kulit tebal kape? .. Fiker aku tkd rase malu? .. Dah tuu dpn sume org plak tuu .. Nak menyalahkan aku .. Padehal laki die yg buatkn untk aku .. Maseh jgk nk salahkan aku .. Da malu lar tuu konon .. Fiker aku siapkn sendiri padehal laki die yg siapkan .. Kurang ajar ckp aku gemok .. Biar arh aku gemok ker ape ker bknnye aku kacau hidop die .. Yang die nk ssh hati apesal .. Org laen pn gemok apesal die tknk tegor?? .. Ape sebab org laen tuu favourite die? .. Sial kan prangai .. Pegi mampos arh dgn org2 mcm gini ..Fiker sume nak cantik sume nak sempurna .. Abeh kau tuu byk cantik byk sempurna??!!! .. Go to hell lar people .. Nobody is perfect! .. Takde maknenye kau ckp aku gemok .. Pasal laki kau tuu yg siapkn image gemok untk sume org .. Lagi die yg siapkn aku .. Slhkn laki kau lar gitu .. Da lar laki kau buat bnde merepek .. HANJING!!! .. Geram sey aku dgn org2 mcm gini .. *Kepale pisang* btol! .. Buat aku hot aje .. Yang lagi satu jantan nie plak kt dlm satu bilek srh aku diam .. Sial btol .. Padehal die yg tnye asl tk siap lagi .. Dah tuu aku nk jwb apesal die srh aku diam . Konon tmpt tk sesuai nk mengutuk org laen .. Hey sundal, aku bkn nk mengutuk! ..Aku tgh nk explain kt kau apesal aku tk siap2 lagi .. Bodoh pnye jantan .. Skrg baru aku tau org2 nie sume mcm gini .. Baru mcm gini true colours drng da kuar .. Tkp slagi aku bleh sabar aku sabar .. Jgn smpi aku da hilang sabar ..

I juz dont understand wads the purpose for favouritisms .. Not evryone is gud but does dat mean u can judge the person dat he/she isnt gud juz bcz he/she is unable to catch up dat fast? .. Yes u can go ahead and juz favouritize anybody u wan .. Hell yeah i dont bother .. I dont care .. But wen ur favouritism has gone overboard till evryting dat im doing is wrng in ur eyes and blaming me for evryting dat im doing, den i guess evryone noes its too much .. Even a small kid will noe dat it has gone overboard .. Yes i can be patient wif the whole favouritism situation coz i noe wer i stand der .. But evybody have their own limitation to their patience .. And dont let tings happen unexpectantly due to ur own doings .. Coz in the end u will suffer urslf .. Its easy for evryone to say dat u're lyk dat and i hvnt gone thru the worst wif u .. But i dont care .. Hell to wad people wana say .. I freking do not care .. Wen my patience have gone over its limits means it has gone over the limit .. And dont ever let me do tings dat none of us lyk during crucial tyms juz bcz i no longer can stand u .. Soo better tink before u act .. Not evryone is perfect .. Not even urslf .. U're not god ..

Tinking of you evry min, every sec ....
Please cum back ...
Let the old times fill our lives ...
I miss having u beside me ...
I miss the comfort i got from you ...
Ur sweater dat u lend it to me .. I still remember how you looked at me shivering dat nyte .. The moment u asked me to wear urs instead of ur cousin's ..  I still remember how u put it on for me ... How u zip it up for me ...
I wan those hapi tyms to cum back ..
I miss those times being wif you ..
Coz being wif you is the most happiest ting dat has happened in my lfe ..
Cum back ... :'(

After dat dream dat day, i simply cant stop myslf from tinking of him .. After i managed to forget about him and moved on, dat dream made me weak and evryting bout him juz came back into my mind .. It all started all over again .. And wad a luck i had,the following nyte i dreamt bout him again .. If the dream's all about bad tings dat he did to me i guess i wont have to face dis problem because dat will make me to move on easily .. But the fact is my dreams baout him are both sweet tings happening between us .. How am i suppose to forget him and move on then .. Live's never easy for me since i decided to throw him out of my life .. I never wanted it to happen but i dont wana be the fool waiting for him, hoping that sumting might juz happen between us but the fact is he's out der enjoying himself without caring how miserable i am .. It's easy for him to say to me i shouldnt hope too much but the fact is in the beggining he'd oready put dat hope in me wen how nice and sweet he treated me .. If in the beggining he didnt show any interest in me i wouldnt have put any hope dat one day we might juz be together ..And now dis ting have to happen, i have to forget him and move on, it aint easy for me .. its easy for everyone to say "move on .. He's not into you .. Wad for u wana wait for him ...." but deep inside nobody noes how difficult it is for me to juz forget him, to juz move on .. I am still hoping for a miracle to happen one day but im afraid dat im juz living in fantasy and dreams and not waking up to the real world .. Coz in the real world i noe he's not der for me ... Mayb all dis happens coz of my own wrongdoings ... I got a strong feeling bout dat ..

Hanya tinggal sejarah

Puas aku fikirkan, masih dalam samaran. Apakah semuanya tanpa penjelasannya. Telah aku korbankan, cuma hanya untukmu seorang. Kesetiaanku tidak kau hargakan, sedihnya. Kini tiba masanya sayang, aku akan mengatur langkah. Biarlah semuanya kita tinggal hanyalah buat sejarah. Masih ku ingat dan terkenang, percintaan yang penuh makna. Terlalu banyak aku memendam rasa. Selamat tinggal kasih, selamat tinggal sayang. Tak ingin sejarah cinta terulang, luka masih terasa duhai sayang.

::Sejarah Mungkin Berulang::

Jauh mana mampu bertahan, sampai bila harus ku telan. Setiap kali bertentangan, tiada ketenangan. Cemburumu merantai hati, melenguhkan semangat diri. Bila aku kenangkan, kemanisan lalu semua itu ku ketepikan. Andai ku turut rasa hati, telah jauh ku bawa diri. Tapi kemaafan ku lahir dari hati mengatasi. Sejarah mungkin berulang walau engkau ku maafkan oh kekasih. Tapi mungkin hanya sementara keinsafan di hatimu. Berpanas hujan berembun tak pernah ku hiraukan. Asal dapat memenuhi segala keinginan hati. Ku bina istana cinta dihiasi lukisan rindu. Indah nampak dari luar tapi penuh dengan kepalsuan. Bila ku tiada terbuktilah betapa aku mulia disisimu.

"It hurts wen i make him a priority but i am juz an option" .......
Its oready hard for me to do dis and yet im forcing myslf to do dis bcz i noe its best for both me n him ..Well actuali its best for me but im nt sure abt him ..Bt its freaking hard for me to do dis decision dat i have made ..Dont ask me y coz i have no answer for dat ..Its all bcz of dis heart dat have created dis feeling and i have to leave evryting now ..Its soo damn hard for me to do dis!!! ..But i noe i have to ..Every single second im tinking bout dis ting and wondering wad im doing now is worth it ..Is he even worth it for me ..Sometyms my answer is yes but sometyms its a definite NO ..I cant even concentrate on studying for my final paper and cant tink clear wen im doing my exam ..Dats wen the confusion comes and its driving me crazy ..It absolutely make me go blank in my mind ..And trust me he's not even of any help to ease dis feeling ..In fact he's making it worse by his doings!! ..Wad am i to do ..Oh god please help me to solve dis ting in me ..Its juz me ..Its all about the confused me ..

Its easy for u to ask me to do tings dat's reali hard for me to do ..Yes i've heard soo much truth about him frm u and it cums to an evaluation dat he's a jerk doing those kinda tings to me ..But no matter wad i dont have the guts to do wad u asked me to do my frend ..I dont noe y im lyk dis but its juz me ..I juz dont have the guts, the heart to be harsh on him, scolding him and making an embarrassment out of myslf ..Yes i am a fool for not dumping him but i need tym to get dis fact in me ..I have my own way on how to settle dis ting myslf ..But at tyms wen i tink about it wad u say is true ..Evryting dat u say is true ..I muz dump him and juz frgt abt him cz i deserve sumone better who appreciates me more ..But the truth is i cant ..I cant juz dump him and frgts about him and i dont noe y ..Ppl juz dont undrstnd wad im going thru ..Ppl can juz give me advices, ways for me to settle dis ting but their advices and ways for me to settle dis ting are juz too harsh and i cant do those harsh tings ..Call me a fool, call me a stupid fool but i aint doing it coz my ways to settle tings are juz way too lenient den dat .. :'((

Saying "I love you" is a hard thing to do. You might be worried if you are really expressing your true feelings or if you are being pressured into it. Everyone has their own time when they think that it is appropriate to say I love you. There is no right or wrong time. However, it is hurtful when an individual makes herself vulnerable and says, I love you, and her words are not returned. Sometimes it may be a simple act of courtesy to return the sentiment. On the other hand you may be setting her up for false expectations about the potential for a relationship.

All alone!!!

Today im all alone at home ..Soo bored ..Well actuali i got lots of tings to do especially studying but sumhw i cant study at all in dis kinda situation ..Juz not in the mood to do anyting but juz laze arnd at home ..But i noe i need to study coz exams is lyk wad a few days away ..Hmm we'll juz see tmrw if the mood will ever arrive ...

The lost tooth

And soo recently i juz lost my tooth ..It was a freaking sad ting dat has ever happened in my life ..I feel the sense of lost wen i have to lose my tooth ..Its lyk im missing 1/4 of the part in my body ..Im soo not used wif having no tooth to chew simply bcz i took out my chewing tooth ..Soo the story goes lyk dis ..I was eating chicken cutlet happily wif my frends and den sddnly i feel, wif my tongue, sumting sharp ..Wen i looked in the mirror 1/4 of my tooth had chipped of ..I was freaking shock and of course sad ..But den a few days later i got over it and ignore the tooth ..But den day aftr day the condition of my tooth got worse ..I experienced a long sharp pain and i cnt squeeze both my upper teeth and my lower teeth tgt on the left side ..Wen i chew i have to onli chew it on my right side and i can onli squeeze my right teeth,nt left ..The pain im suffering can nvr be described in words ..ONLI GOD NOES WAD IM GNG THRU ..And den i decide to go to the dentist as it got worse ..The pain i mean ..Wen i went to the dentist i intend to go for tooth filling ..But den the dentist say its impossible bcz my tooth have decayed and either i have to go for surgery which costs abt $800+ or i plucked it out ..Hell NO im gonna spend $800 for surgery soo i decide to pluck it out ..And soo nw im a girl wif 1 less tooth in her mouth ..Such a sad feeling .. Haizz ...

Mixed feelings

Soo much tings going on in my mind ryte now ..Im having mixed feelings ..I feel soo frustrated at the same time im hapi ..I juz dont y im having dis freaking feeling .I hate it alot!! ..I guess i have dis mixed feelings wen i c the pic and fb profile ..Wen i saw the pic i got frustrated and abit sad but wen i saw sumitng at the fb profile i got abit excited and happi ..Soo i dont noe which feeling i shld go to ..Cz its a mixed feeling and im totally in a confused situation ryte now ..I juz had fun wif my darling seniors and den wen i saw dis shld i waste those enjoyable tym i had juz bcz of sumting lyk dis ..I dont noe ..Sumtyms i juz feel soo unappreciated ..Im trying to tink positive at all time, making myslf tink dat its juz my imagination but i need the person's help to make me sure dat evryting will be oryte and i shall not wory about it at all ..But how am i suppose to relax myslf wen the person is not actuali doing anyting to calm me ..I dont noe wad i shld do now ..I dont wana make myslf stress due to dis but sumtyms it juz haunt me deep inside ..

Cute cute baby

Soo wen i was otw back home from skul juz now, after a long day in skul due to classes and project, a mother and baby sat beside me ..The baby was soo damn cute, wif his chubby cheeks and big eyes, i feel like biting him all over ..At first the baby was behaving, onli laughing and keep on playing ..But wen his mummy took out her iphone and he saw it, he wanted the iphone ..But his mummy juz put it inside her bag back ..Den the musical begins ..He started crying and it was deafening ..Thoug he was 1 seat away from me still he cried loud and all i could do is smile ..I wanted to make a funny faces to him soo dat he will get distracted and stopped crying but i feel soo dumb to be doing at soo i juz smiled ..Den his mummy took out a box of biscuit and fed him ..But he didnt wan the biscuit, he wans the iphone, soo he still cried ..but the biscuit was still inside his mouth he chewed quietly but wen its finished he cried again ..And dis was continuous ..Until he reached his hand out to grab his mummy's iphone in her bag ..Finally he got the iphone but still he was crying ..Hehehe ..He's such a pretender ..Crocodile tears ..I wonder if my baby in future will ever be lyk dat ..I will definitely bite him/her at home until im satisfied ..hahahaha!! ..

Countdown 2010

My eve & new year was celebrated wif my 2nd family ..I was glad dat i was able to celebrate it wif dem & was delighted dat my parents actually allowed me to ovrnyte at the chalet ..Well i guess coz my 2nd family are very trustable in dis kinda tings ..
Soo it was very tiring for me dis 3 days of chalet ..Didnt get enough sleep coz during the countdown i wasnt dat tired and soo i stayed till 4am, managed to find a spot and squeezed in on bed, but still unable to sleep coz of the musicals on bed(snorings) ..Eventually i started to tink of sumone, and managed to doze off, dreaming about him ..But still i onli slept for 2 hrs cz need to wake up early for morning jog wif the rest of the sriwarnians ..
It was the frst tym, aftr my sec life, i actually jogged or exercised ..And obviously my body mechanisms was not ready for dis jog but still i joined the morning jog ..BUT during the jog i walked most of the tym coz i HATE jogs!! ..Hahaa dats wad i actuali do during my runs in sch ..And ouh yar!! I frgt to wear socks and got dis big blister on my feet!! ..Ouch it was painful ..And i was onli halfway to the destination dat i got dis blisters ..Soo i stopped jogging and onli jog wen im way bck from oders, catching up wif dem ..Dat would be the last tym im ever jogging until i was forced to or cant be excused from running!!
Aftr which i rested and den went for cycling wif the cliques ..Dat was the frst tym too i cycled all the way, w/o stopping until i reached the destination ..And i cycled non-stop too back to the chalet ..My ass and cuffs was in great pain wen i got out of the bicycle ..But i have to admit it was a satisfying exercise for me coz i LOVE cycling and it was the frst tym in my life i didnt stop to rest coz of tiredness ..Juz dat i slowed dwn a little bit but sped up wen i cnt see any of the sriwarnians in frnt of me ..Hahaa ..
Aftr dat i had lunch wif the rest and got ready for the ultimate photoshoot!! ..It was a great photoshoot ..Love my outfit, love the scene, love the photographer, love the outcome of the photos and especially LOVED evry single moment of the photoshoot ..It will never be forgotten ..Will owaes remain in my memory ..
It wasnt a regret ..I enjoyed staying over, spending my tym wif dem ..Though i felt a bit awkward hanging out wif dem sumtyms coz im nt close to dem i still try to fit in and enjoy myslf ..And for sure i will be joining in for any activities in future ..
The 2010 countdown moments were a success!! .. *u*