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Confessions of my heart ..

I had a dream last nyte and i feel lyk not waking up dis morning ..A dream dat makes me smile and laugh coz its a dream about him ..I guess last nyte was the nyte dat i realise i have fallen for him ..I had dreams about him a few nytes oready and i guess last nyte's dream made me realise dat i've fallen deeply for him and makes me wana be wif him ..Last nyte's dream was the dream dat made me feel vry close to him bcz he's arm were wrapped around me all the tym ..How secure i feel in dat dream bcz i can feel the warmnest dats he's gvng me and i can feel the sense of secure dat he's gvng me ..How i wish dat it wuld reali cum true and i can live it in reality ..Its such a pity dat till now der's no signs n syptoms of him wanting me ..Sumtyms i juz feel lyk switching lives wif him soo dat i can noe wad his true feeling were for me ..And he can noe wad my true feelings for him were ..I wan him to feel the love dat im willing to give him ..I wan him to feel n undrstnd me in such a way dat he's truely been in my shoes b4 ..But i can only wish for it to hppn ..Cz im not him and i dnt noe wad might be in his mind ryte now ..I dont evn noe weder he wans dis relationshp to move on or not ..He might as well juz end it here ryte now if he does not wan to move on cz i dont wan dis love to develop mre and grow bigger and bigger each day ..And end up disappointed ..Is god trying to tell me dat he came into my lyf juz to leave me? ..I dont get the point of him doing dat ..Or maybe he came into my lyf juz to cheer me up wen i broke off wif my ex and den wen im healed he juz wanders off and nvr came bck ..Is dat wad god is trying to tell me ..Dat he's not for me? ..Dat happiness is not out der for me to grab wif him? ..I dont noe ..I juz dnt get it ..I juz dont undrstnd wif the whole situation yet ..The answer lies in his hands ..If he's willing to move on he noes wad to do ..And i am willing to accept him in any kinda situation i am in or he is in ..

My confessions ..

I cant believe dat he said dat .. How can i make the frst move in dis relationship wen im juz a gurl ..He's the guy soo he shld make the frst move ..If he sees dat im nt msgng him or called him he can actuali msg me frst or cll me frst ..Dats wad a guy shld do ryte ..How can i make the frst move ..Might as well i be the guy and him being the gurl ryte ..Its fine wif me if im the one who's owaes msgng him frst, calling him frst, mayb asking him out ..Hmm mayb asking him out wuld be the sumting i dont dare to do ..But msgng n calling are the tings dat i usually do ..But how can he say dat we have not been contacting each oder lately but the fact is he's bz ..I dont wana disturb him in his bz schedule cz i dont wan him to find me a pest, pestering him and annoying him wen he's got soo much tings to do ..Cz i dont lyk to msg or talk to sumone who finds me irritating ..Eventually he wont be sincere to entertain me ..I can contact him evryday if he wans to but its weder he have the tym to entertain me or nt ..I dont noe wad else i shld do ..Yes i wan dis relationship to go on forward but if im owaes the one making the frst move den he might find me desperate ..Not dat im saying im desperate for dis relationship ..Im not ..But since we are getting to noe each oder its gud dat we can move on to the next level ..Mayb he's lyk dat bcz he's been vry bz wif his wrk and sum tings in his lyf ..Well i undrstnd dat ..Evrybody have their own schedule ..It depends on weder they are too bz or too free ..For him he's too bz but for me im too free ..Too free till i dont noe wad to do wif my lyf ..Dats y i can onli wait for him ..If im too bz i tink i juz cant b bothered wif dis relationship and juz do sumting better wif my life ..But im not lyk dat ..Im willing to wait for him ..Evn if it takes for him to finish his NS cz i tink NS is the ting dats holding him back ..Filling his free tym ..Well dats all dat i manage to do ..To wait ..My frends adviced me to juz move on but im not ready yet to move on ...I still wana go on wif dis ting cz i wana noe wads the ending gonna be .Lyk a fairytale ..Sumhw dis fairytale might have a hapi or sad ending ..Hopefully it is a hapi ending ..Sumhw hru all those sleepless nights tinking of him, dreaming of him, i got the feeling dat dis relationship might juz work btwn us but it needs tym to make it happen ...

::Percayalah::

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Percayalah

Its soo pathetic!!

Birthdays are not meant to be celebrated at times in our lifes ..Maybe because of our hectic schedule until we ourselves forget dat its our bdae or its juz dat nobody around us remembers it and didnt celebrate it wif us ..Dats sad isnt it ..We've went thru evry kinda obstacles in our lifes ..Experiencing the ups and downs ..Bdae is the day wen we get to feel the ultimate happiness because we are supposed to be surrounded by our loved ones and get loads of presents, hugs and kisses on dat day ..But for certain ppl, i shall say me, is very different ..Dis yr my bdae is juz lyk any oder ordinary day ..I still feel sad on my bdae ..I dont feel the happines ..Well its a lie if i say i dont feel any happiness at all ..I do ..On dat very midnight wen the clock strikes 12 my frends msged me and wished me hapi bdae ..Dey even gave me a surprise call and i confessed i cried coz i was too touched by wad she did ..Dat was the frst tym in my lyf sumone called me in the middle of the midnyte juz to wish me hapi bdae ..She even disguised herslf by using sumone else's num and pretending she's a stranger ..Bt too bad i recognised her voice too well soo she didnt get to fool me for too long ..And i oso get dat very special msg from dat sumone special of mine at 130am ..Yes again im touched and tears roll down from my eyes ..I didnt expect to get dat msg from him though i was hoping for it and i cant sleep due to dat ..At first i tot i will be disappointed coz hw wont even be bothered to wake up juz to msg me ..But i was touched by wad he replied me ..He said he woke up juz to wish me ..I almost cant believe my eyes wen i was reading the msg ..But i cant deny it was true .My eyes werent bluffing me ..But still i onli feel the happiness during dat period of tym ..Bcz aftr dat my bdae is juz lyk oder ordinary day ..I spent my entire day at home wif my books coz i gotta study for my upcoming exam ..Yes he said to me dat he intended to bring me out but he had sumting on ..i didnt mind dat ..But still wad i was hoping for before my bdae didnt came true ..Ppl said bdae is wen u wish for sumitng and it might happen ..But for me only one ting dat i hoped for happened on dat day ..But my oder wishes didnt came true ..I dont mean to sound pathetic here but still im juz lyk oder ppl ..Who wants to feel loved and cared for not onli on my bdae but every oder day ..Sumhow it kept me thinking is happiness reali waiting for me in future or oderwise .....

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Di sisi ...

Moving on ....

I guess its tym fr me to move on wif my lyf ..Moving on and heading dis lyf alone w/o the sumone beside me animre ..Bt hw am i suppose to move on if im still having the past in me? ..Well den dat means dat im nt moving on ryte? ..Im trying my best to push evryting away, throwing all my past away frm my lyf bt i simply cant ..Evrytym i see the pictures and thought bck about evryting dat we had went thru tgt, it makes it more harder for me to leave my past ..Its even harder for me to move on w/o the sumone ..Im still hoping for, i dont noe, mayb for me to reach the star i guess ..Is it possible? ..i dnt noe ..Dats wad im feeling ryte now ..I feel dat im waiting for me to reach the star(which is impossible) ..I wana move on bt i feel dat ryte dwn in my heart der is sumting dats stopping me frm moving on ..Cz i have the feeling dat if i moved on i will regret in future bcz im making a great mistake ..I dont wan any regrets in future ..Dats y i dont noe weder i shld move on or shld i still wait ..I nd the answer asap cz i cant b living in dis kinda situation ..Im lyk 2 different person in my lyf ryte nw ..In skul im the hapi me ..I hid my problems frm evryone wif my smile and laughter ..Bt wen im at home den the real me emerged ..Im totally down and i cant evn smile or laugh ..Bcz evrytym at home, im alone in one corner, i strt to tink of evryting dat has happened to me ..I dont noe weder wad i did all dis while is juz a mistake ..Did he juz drop by in my lyf and now he have to go away, far far away frm me?? ..I dont noe ..All i can do now is i guess juz wait for my future to cum and get me instead of me running aftr my future ..

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Help me pleaseeee!!

Wer is he? ..Why didnt he reply my msg? ..Why didnt he msg me dis whole wk? ..I feel soo lonely wen my fone's nt ringing wif him msgng me ..I feel dat i've been avoided or neglected ..Am i having wild imaginations again? ..Bcz being wif him is the mst peaceful ting i evr experienced ..Bt wen tings hppn lyk dis im soo nt at ease ..My heart juz keep worrying ..And i keep having wild imaginations ..Guess im having problem wif my ownself ..Im having wild imaginations but the fact is he's nt lyk dat ..He's way better den my imagination ..Wad am i to do to cntrl my imagination? ..A frend said to me its bcz of the insecureness dat i feel deep inside ..But hw to chnge my insecureness to the sense of secureness? ..Hw to make myslf stop having wild imaginations? ..Bcz i believe my wild imaginations will kill me one day ..Sumbody HELP me!!!!