Moving on ....

I guess its tym fr me to move on wif my lyf ..Moving on and heading dis lyf alone w/o the sumone beside me animre ..Bt hw am i suppose to move on if im still having the past in me? ..Well den dat means dat im nt moving on ryte? ..Im trying my best to push evryting away, throwing all my past away frm my lyf bt i simply cant ..Evrytym i see the pictures and thought bck about evryting dat we had went thru tgt, it makes it more harder for me to leave my past ..Its even harder for me to move on w/o the sumone ..Im still hoping for, i dont noe, mayb for me to reach the star i guess ..Is it possible? ..i dnt noe ..Dats wad im feeling ryte now ..I feel dat im waiting for me to reach the star(which is impossible) ..I wana move on bt i feel dat ryte dwn in my heart der is sumting dats stopping me frm moving on ..Cz i have the feeling dat if i moved on i will regret in future bcz im making a great mistake ..I dont wan any regrets in future ..Dats y i dont noe weder i shld move on or shld i still wait ..I nd the answer asap cz i cant b living in dis kinda situation ..Im lyk 2 different person in my lyf ryte nw ..In skul im the hapi me ..I hid my problems frm evryone wif my smile and laughter ..Bt wen im at home den the real me emerged ..Im totally down and i cant evn smile or laugh ..Bcz evrytym at home, im alone in one corner, i strt to tink of evryting dat has happened to me ..I dont noe weder wad i did all dis while is juz a mistake ..Did he juz drop by in my lyf and now he have to go away, far far away frm me?? ..I dont noe ..All i can do now is i guess juz wait for my future to cum and get me instead of me running aftr my future ..

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Help me pleaseeee!!

Wer is he? ..Why didnt he reply my msg? ..Why didnt he msg me dis whole wk? ..I feel soo lonely wen my fone's nt ringing wif him msgng me ..I feel dat i've been avoided or neglected ..Am i having wild imaginations again? ..Bcz being wif him is the mst peaceful ting i evr experienced ..Bt wen tings hppn lyk dis im soo nt at ease ..My heart juz keep worrying ..And i keep having wild imaginations ..Guess im having problem wif my ownself ..Im having wild imaginations but the fact is he's nt lyk dat ..He's way better den my imagination ..Wad am i to do to cntrl my imagination? ..A frend said to me its bcz of the insecureness dat i feel deep inside ..But hw to chnge my insecureness to the sense of secureness? ..Hw to make myslf stop having wild imaginations? ..Bcz i believe my wild imaginations will kill me one day ..Sumbody HELP me!!!!

Evryting's bck to nrml lyk hw i wanted it ..

"I dont wan to lose a frend lyk u ..U are the sparkle ..Owaes cheerful and fun to be wif.."
Those are the words used dat touches my heart ..Thnx my frend ..I reali regret fr all dat happened ..
Alhamdullilah evryting is bck to nrml ..Sumhw the talk frm a frend made me realise dat my actions hurt another frend without me realising ..Its selfish of me to juz blame the situation bcz i didnt make the move frst to correct the situation ..But evryting nw is much and way better bcz i made the choice to do sumting so dat the situation doesnt remain as tense as it was dis 2 whole weeks ..Im soo glad dat my bdae month didnt turn out to be a vry sad and hurtful one bcz i lost a frend ..Instead i tink dat dis is the best bdae month dat i get out of my 17yrs of living bcz i tot i lost a frend but the fact is she's owaes der fr me thru my hardships ..I reali regretted fr saying such nasty tings about her ..I am such a jerk ..Anger juz made me say dat ..Simply cant cntrl my hypothalamus ..But nw im controlling my hypothalamus soo as i wont hurt anyone animre in future ..Enough wif dis disastrous ting dat happened to me dis november ..I dont wan disastrous ting to happen animre particularly on november ..Glad dat i can chnge frm disastrous to a joyful november ..Simply the touch frm her yday wen we were taking pic made me ease and warms my heart ..Makes me realise dat i made a terrible mistake and i shld do sumting to correct my mistakes ..Still dis is a learning experience fr me ..To nt follow my hypothalamus but using brain to control the situation ..By den i guess i wont b facing any of these problems ..

Dont find me!!

I wana run away as far as possible frm evryone ..Dont care weder the person is the one who cares bout me, love me, owaes makes me hapi, owaes makes me sad, owaes makes me disappointed or wadevr it is!! ..Cz i juz feel lyk running away!! ..I reali have given up hope for my future in life ..Basically love have ruin my life ..My love for my frends have ruin my love ..My love for my sumone have ruin my life too ..Cz i love evryone arnd me but wad do i get?? ..A false hope dats fr sure! ..Yes i do get bck a love in return but are dey sincere or shall i say is the love reali for me? ..Cz i dnt feel dat the love is for me ..Instead i feel dat evryone is juz pretending to care about me and pretending to love me bcz dey dnt wana feel bad for me ..I dont need all those bullshit care ..Lets juz might as well live in fairytale land ryte is evryone is pretending ..I wan a true and sincere love dat came frm evryone ..And plz for heaven's sake tell me if u no longer care cz i cnt simply stand it wen u r juz lying and pretending ..I can juz walk out of ur life and nvr appear again ..Cz all dis while u r juz building up dis false hope in me and wen i've reached the stars i dont see the shine ..I will juz drop all the way dwn to earth and end up dead ..I dnt wan dat to hppn to me ..Soo if ur heart says dat im not the one fr u or u juz simply dnt care or cnt b bothered wif me cz im juz freaking irritating who owaes bother u during ur free or bz tym and dat u wana b alone den u juz b vry honest to me and like i said i will juz walk out of ur lyf and lead dis lyf alone ..

Should i do sumting dat i see is wrng?

"An innocent luk u have my dear but a wild u deep inside"
I was shocked and disappointed wen i noe the real u ..Having to see ur face i tot u were a vry fine man but the confession abt urslf dat came frm u was a total shock of my life ..I wasnt dat ready to judge u but the truth came out frm ur mouth ..I didnt expect u to b the person dat u are now ..Now i have to luk at u in a different way ..Bcz u r not wad i may expect u to b ..And i cant luk at u and pretend dat i dont noe the real u ..I juz cant afford to do dat ..Luking at u in the eyes will make me remember wad u said abt urslf ..I dont noe how i will react to the situation wen i see u in future ..I might talk to u as per nrml pretending dat i dont noe anyting about u but i can juz turn speechless wen i see u bcz i simply dont noe wad to say to u ..U reali are the person whom i reali dislike ..I juz cant accept the fact dat u r dat kinda person ..I can juz chnge u into a better person if i wanted to but its reali up to u to decide it urslf ..I cnt chnge u if u are not willing to chnge bcz chnging cums frm ur heart not frm my effort wholly ..And not only dat i muz chnge the person whom i love into a different him but for the better ..If he still wana be the person he is, he wont b able to live peacefully ..I noe dat cz dats wad he's encountering ryte now ..He's life is not in peace ryte now ..Evryting seems to b wrng in his life and i need to chnge him ASAP bcz i wan him to b at peace ..Sumone said to me juz nw dat if u love a person u shld accept the way he is but to me if the person i love have the habits or attitudes dat is destroying his own life i need to do sumting abt it ..Bcz i love dat person and i dont wan anyting to hppn to him ..All i wan to see is his happiness ..Ouh god are u sending me all these ppl so dat i can chnge dem into a better person?? ..Am i the ryte person to do it? ..Why now? ..Why do u send me 2 persons at one tym? ..I juz feel dat i dont have dat enough strength to do it ..I need ur help god to gve me strength and patience to do it ..I wont juz give up seeing ppl whom i care and love suffer in their own darkness ..

I simply cant stand her

OMG i cant believe dat i juz teared bcz of dis stupid misundrstndng ..Y am i soo stupid to tear for a person lyk her ..She's not evn worth it ..Sumhw i juz felt soo hurt wen tings hppn lyk dis ..Cmon its meant to b a joke dat day and y take it criously?? ..Its nt my fault lyk duhh ...She's gvng me dat freaking annoying face and she dares to post such post in fb ..Sape yg buat muke sial dulu? ..Nk buat muke sial mcm tuu aku kasi lar balek muke sial aku ..Fiker die mane pnye bgs ..Da ade kwn baru lupe kwn lame ..Pegi mampos lar ..Pegi arh joke dgn kwn baru tuu ..Tkya joke lagi dgn kwn lame ..Konon tadi nak sarcastic arh ble rose tnye "who are u referring to in ur post " ..She dares to say "u noe who im referring to" ..Sial kn perangai die ..Kalo die ketawe kn org make fun of ppl org tk mrh pn ..Tapi kalo die kene sendiri tau pn die nk tersinggung ..Fiker die srng aje ade prasaan ..Org laen sume tkd prasaan? ..Org laen tk rase hurt lar ble die buat mcm tuu? ..Wad the **** ...Geramnye!!!!!! ..Rase mcm nk tarik2 aje rmbt smpi botak ..Bodo pnye pmpn ..I juz cant wait to chnge class nxt yr jadi tkya nk jmpe kwn hypocrite mcm tuu ..Waste my tym aje ..Hw culd i b soo stupid to juz trust her as a gud frend ..Nw i noe who my true frends are ..Who i can reali trust and who i believe will stab me frm the bck ..Hw i wish he was here to hear my evry story ..Hw sad and hw angry and hw hurt i am abt dis freaking incident ......

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I juz realise she sucks!!

U will only noe how nice the person is or how bad the person is wen u owaes hang out wif the person ..At frst u may tink dat she's nice,caring,the best frend dat a person may have ..But aftr awhile u will strt to realise ur frst impression about her were all wrng ..Dats wad hppnd to me ..Org laen pn ade buat kawan dgn org baru tapi tkdlar smpi prangai berubah smpi dgn members lame pn treat mcm patong ..Sial kn!! ..Pantat ..Kalo kwn baru die joke2 ,drng byk comment psl die wah bukan maen die layankn drng smpi bleh ketawe2 ..Kalo dgn kawan lame gurau skt amek hati smpi bleh jadi gdh ..Sial kn prangai die ..Dpt kawan baru lupe kawan lame ..Kalo g2 lepak arh dgn kawan baru ..Asal maseh terhege2 dgn org yg die tk suke??! ..Asal sbab takot nnt kt class die kene isolated? ..Sbab kawan baru die kn laen class ..Cume lecture class aje same ..Btol jgk kate wenshi dat tym ..Tkd kawan mcm die pn bgs ..Tk rugi pape pn ..(%$#)£°%#)pnye pmpn!!!!

Stress aku stress!!

Today is a very hectic day for me!! ..Frstly I muz meet kak murni to take clothes frm her at NTU during my 2 hrs break ..Cnfrm kene naek cab to go der cz kalo naek bus msti I wnt make it in tym for my next lesson ..I need to use the money to guy shoe for tmrw and im worry I wnt have enough money to buy shoe ..And cnfrm I dnt have the tym to eat ..Who cares!! Wads imprtnt is the clothes dat I need to take frm her ..Secondly I need to meet kak lily at tnjng pgr at her wrkplace to collect the shirt ..Aftr dat I muz meet miting to pass her costume and aftr dat I muz go to the cobbler to paku my kasot and den bli kasot ..And FYI I hvnt evn pack for tmrw!!! Wif my condition yang blm pack bag, kene jmpe kak lily, jmpe miting, pegi cobbler, bli kasot cnfrm balek lmbt and cnfrm tdo lmbt ..Lgi bsk kene bgn pagi giler!! And kpow gve me the responsibility to take care of the flowers ..Takot aje lupe nak bwk flowers though da buat checklist ..Most imprtntly is make up and costume ..Kalo tk bwk mampos!!!!!